send in a video blog of you shitting

as i sit here drinking a $20 bottle of wine that i treated myself to (what? i deserve it), an activia commercial just came on the television. yeah i've seen a thousand of them, but this one took me aback and left me feeling shocked, upset, and disgusted.

jamie lee explained that she, along with the rest of the poop-inducing crew, are now urging their yogurt eaters to document their guaranteed 2-week paths to shit - their paths from not being to normally go #2 to more or less instantly crapping their pants.

the best part is that they showed a quick clip a customer sent in and all it had on it was the girl sitting in what looked like a kitchen saying, "i have started to notice a slight difference in my digestive system."

WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? AM I HIGH? NO, I'M JUST DRINKING $20 WINE. they are asking women to FILM AND DOCUMENT their first 2 weeks of eating a yogurt laxative. why doncha just set up a camera in every bathroom in the house to make it easier on yourselves? because how the hell else are you going to document your craps?

"ok, day 5. i'm here, sitting on the toilet. just ate some activia. OH! OH..... there it goes. oh my goodness. this is wild. OHHHHHH MY. WOW. THAT STRAWBERRY IS NOT SCREWING AROUND."

"day 9. i haven't been able to stop shitting. it won't cease. i have been sitting here since day 5. my ass is bleeding and i'm scared. no one has come to check on me. i can't get my cell phone because poop is literally streaming out of me. someone help, please. if you find this long after my death from shitting, please tell my husband and children mommy is safe now. no more doodie is ever going to hurt her again."

ACTIVIAAAAA.

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