they don't call me elaine for nothing

i've been told a reasonable amount of times now that i resemble elaine benes - either in looks, personality or (the ultimate compliment) BOTH. therefore, i have no problem referencing her in this blog and letting my reading audience know that a lot of the time, i feel like this (click on "this") when i'm at a doctor's office.

but all that's besides the point.

tonight, i wanted to write about the absurdities of "borrowing" certain objects. when people ask if they can "borrow" un-borrowable (made up the word, just go with it) things, i like to correct them. that may make me a sassy bitch, but i don't care, because asking to "borrow" particular things you can't technically "borrow" is just plain silly.

prime list of examples:

a sheet of paper - hey, can i borrow a sheet of paper? i'm going to write all over it, turn it in for a grade (or maybe just end up throwing it out after i scribble on it) and you'll never see it again... i promise.

an edible object - can i borrow a bag of chips? can i borrow a can of soda? would you mind if i borrowed your last fiber one bar? activia just isn't doing the trick. REGARDLESS of what the food object is, i want to borrow it, eat or drink it, and i promise i'll throw it back up to give back to you. pinky swear.

female lady products - yeah, no.

i know using the term "borrow" makes the blow of asking to just plain take something of someone's seem somewhat softened (WOW ALLITERATION AT IT'S FINEST), but we should all just man up and ask what we really mean - which is, can i HAVE that? for keeps?

while we're on the topic, though, does anyone have some advil i can borrow? i swear i'll swallow it then choke it back up like a mama bird for you. caw caw.