i love chipotle

since we were children, we've been told by our pessimistic and glass half-empty society that "there are no guarantees in life." well, friends, i'm here tonight to tell you.....i have found one. and, after years upon years of waiting for my bubble (or should i say burrito) to be burst, it remains fully intact.




some of you may not know this about me but........

but, i don't just LOVE it; i'm frighteningly obsessed with it.

it all started in high school. at first, i was playing with the amateurs over at qdoba. qdoba-eaters are a very different breed than us chiptole-eaters. qdoba is like the sissy fast food tex-mex joint; chipotle is the QB throwing perfect spirals straight into my mouth, year after year. i am the insecure cheerleader who aspires to sleep with chipotle; qdoba is the obnoxious douche bag who wants so badly to be chipotle, but he knows he'll never get up on his level so he takes loads of steroids and ends up with a vagina and zero dignity.

"but qdoba has queso!" people have argued with me. so what? if i wanted queso that badly, i'd make some fucking rotel cheese dip (which, by the way, is also forever-satisfying). yeah, that's right - you love that queso. you know why? because you have no choice but to smother it all over your feeble burrito to actually give it some flavor. chipotle doesn't need that shit. it's perfect just the way it is (yeah, to the tune of that song).

one time, during a sales meeting at work, we had a head ancho from NYC explaining the newest Internet initiative to the entire office. during the presentation, he was discussing Twitter and how it's difficult as an everyday person to ask the Twitterverse a question and for people to actually respond. he asked who used Twitter, and i was the only person to raise my hand. he turned to me and, said "have you ever tried to tweet a question before? like, 'where could i get the best burrito in town?'" without a second of pause, i replied "chipotle." i couldn't control my response, and everyone in the conference room laughed. obsession isn't humorous, folks.

who knows what it is that fuels my obsession so badly. could be the cilantro rice, the flavors of the steak, the corn salsa or the perfectly shredded lettuce - whatever it is, i just can't get enough. but, i have to. trust me - i've done the whole "i'm gonna eat chipotle as often as i want to and never give it a second thought" thing. that "thing" of which i speak of is classified as: COLLEGE. yeah, i gorged on chipotle whenever the eff i felt like it and i'll you what happened: FAT and DOUBLE-D BOOBS.

no, i am not kidding. it's like two burritos went straight to my chesticles and four bowls of rice and beans were sitting on my stomach constantly. okay, it wasn't that bad, but the point is i can't do that again. i don't want to go back to the grandma utility bras - I CAN'T. I WON'T.

so, i practice self-control, and i've gotten really good at it. in the past, if someone were to ask me, "hey, emma! wanna get some delicious shit rolled up in a soft, blankety pillow of fat?" i'd be like "UM, YES." but now, i can say "no," and it's a powerful feeling.

however, i know, deep in my soul, if a chipotle burrito were to be placed in front of my face after i just finished an entire meal, i would be able to fit it in. mhmm. i'd rather polish off a just-eaten meal with their delicious steak and cheese and rice and salsa than any sort of sweet treat (other than Häagen-Dazs chocolate peanut butter ice cream or Blue Bell's new cookies 'n' cream ice cream bars).

it's a love that is forever eternal. a love that, after all these years, still gets me going like a teenager in high school.

and i will runnnnnn to youuuuuu, with ooooopen aarrrrmmmsss

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