i can do lady gaga all by myself
that sounded weird, but no matter. moving on...
as a society, we cannot deny that "the lady" has worn some seriously questionable stuff lately. i don't know what she's adding to her normal dosage of crazy pills, but the shit she's been getting away with recently is out of control. raw meat? frogs? an egg? sounds like a sketchy 3-course meal from africa or pretentious restaurant (same difference).
with all these bonker fashion dares she's been taking, i realized: what's stopping common folk like myself from creating my own outrageous getups?
if lady gaga can do it, so can i.
so, i decided to play around in my closet and come up with what i consider to be untapped fashion trends. as far as i'm concerned, there is no room for bashing anything you're about to see. lady gaga wore raw fucking meat on her body, so i'm pretty sure i do can whatever the hell i want.
fashion trend 1:
omg, so cute, right? add a little pizazz to your otherwise mundane wedge booties by sticking it to your laces with Q-TIPS!
fashion trend 2:
it's like "oh... here are my boots. they're brown. they're tall. they zip in the back. i'm original."
but HERE are your boots when dressed up with a belt:
what?! 100x better, if i do say so myself. and i say so. walking might prove to be a little tricky, but fashion is sacrifice.
fashion trend 3:
pillow talk on your stomach
take a plain, american apparel mini dress and spruce it up with a belted pillow (belts are so in right now). in this picture, i am modeling the "baby pillow" look. so comfortable, so sexy.
fashion trend 4:
where doth your garden grow?
IN MY HAIR would be the answer. who says flowers are out? not i. i say they're in and should be worn in multiples. doubting my taste?
NOW how does it look? throw on a trendy, denim button down and not only do you look even hipper, but EVERYONE's gonna want to wear those flowers.
fashion trend 5:
scrubba dub dub, bitch
a shower cap: so unassuming, yet so obvious. slap one of these onto your noggin and you automatically ooze sex.
concerned whether such an awesome idea would be appropriate in the work place? no fear. it takes nothing away from the depth of your intensity toward your computer and job.
tell me you don't feel more enlightened now. i should mention these outfits were designed to be worn for any occassion: party, dinner, date, work, bar mitzvah, funeral, bike ride, to the grocery store, on a beach... anywhere, really.
if you end up trying any, let me know! i would love to hear some feedback.
baby, i was born this way.