kiss me: i'm not irish at all
IT'S ALMOST SAINT PATRICK'S DAY, Y'ALL!
ain't it excitin'? getting all dressed to the nines in green attire, drinking green beer and creating more irish spirit than the irish themselves? not sure why i chose to start this post off with a thick texas accent (in my head, at least), but howdy.
as a kid, saint patty's day was all about um, well, nothing. i don't have any fond memories of the green day other than being sure to sport my four leaf clover earrings and being terrified of getting pinched by someone who didn't think i was wearing enough greenage. i mean, at least with valentine's day you always had the promise of chocolate and your mom or dad being your valentine when you didn't have one. when you're a child, you can't appreciate the greatness that comes with st patty's day, because you can't drink beer.
this some ecard card sums it up eloquently:
as an adult, the leprechaun enthusiast holiday is where it's at. you get to dress in garb, get stupid headbands and necklaces to drape all over yourself, and pass out by 5pm and not feel bad about it.
however, there is one conundrum when it comes to this celebration, and it's much moreso directed at women (per usual with my blog).
WHAT TO WEAR?
a skirt? a dress? shorts? JEANS? do you dressy goofy or cute? do you dress smartly or like a dumbass? is it more spirited to wear a green top or green bottoms? if you wear a dress, should the majority of the design be green? what if the background color of the dress is blue, but HAS green flowers on it? okay, but the flowers aren't that big? does teal count? what constitutes green? lime, kelly, dark, forest, vomit?
SO MANY QUESTIONS.
there are ways to make up for a lack of green; you just have to get creative. green scarf plus green fuzzy headband = completely successful saint patty's outfit. and the best part? even if my improvised flare pieces failed me, i wouldn't have known thanks to copious amounts of green beer.
this year, i'll be in the sunny state of texas, where the high of the day is (supposedly for now) a cool 75. the only downfall of this otherwise impeccably crafted holiday is its timing. end of february/beginning of march is the time of year when ladies start to realize they need to snap out of their winter mode and back into their "i want good legs" mode. good thing endless amounts of beer are consumed by males so our legs and ass STILL look delicious decked in green.
but, really. figuring out the perfect st patty's attire isn't easy. you want to be cute, but you don't wanna be goofy. you want to look hot, but you don't wanna look like a slut. you want to stand out, but you don't want people staring when you're bloating over your waistline from too much alcohol. just like with all else, ladies have to plan this shit meticulously.
i mean... you don't wanna look holly here. nor that leprechaun man.
but, then again...
you DEFINITELY don't wanna look like this homely fool. there ain't enough green beer in the world to get snoopy laid, lady.
look, it's tough. but i know you'll figure it out. i say you can never go wrong with something cute that's green and that doesn't hug your stomach area whatsoever. wear a sack for all i care - it's st. patty's day!
as for me, i really wasn't kidding up there when i asked if wearing a dress that's mainly a blue background with flowers on it is legit enough? help? please?
see you at the end of the rainbow looking like this!