lipstick for dummies (or normals)

when i was younger and watched my mom put on lipstick, i thought to myself "it's like an art form i'll never know nor ever want to know." i swore on chap stick for YEARS to the point where i had myself convinced it gave my plain, preteen lips somewhat of a tint (this was before i was using any sort of tinted chap stick, mind you. i was just delusional). then, something happened. and that something is what society refers to as "real life." i stepped into the work world and suddenly had this undeniable draw to lipstick (it was probably the bright colors that gave my otherwise boring and dreary work days a pop of life).  i bought and wore my very first one to a work function and never looked back.

since then, i have started a small collection. i have tried many and, through a meticulous and thoughtful process of elimination, have discovered the best brand and colors that work for me (so far). it hasn't been easy, but it's been fun. i slowly started noticing more and more people complimenting my lip color or inquiring what i was wearing. so, i decided that today i would give you all not only some lipstick 101 tips and tricks, but also a mini guide through my personal lipstick collection.

tips and tricks

i don't have many of these, but the ones i do have i consider of the utmost important when you're deciding to put your big girl panties on and paint your lips. this first one is CRUCIAL: DON'T PUT LIPSTICK ON THE SAME WAY YOU PUT CHAP STICK ON. sounds like a no-brainer, right? WRONG. i have seen way too many idiots apply lipstick the exact same way they would apply a colorless chap stick and need to tell them how stupid they look. ya know how you just pull your chap stick out, no mirror, and basically run it all around your mouth? it looks something like this, right?

now, here is what you fools look like when you apply lipstick in the same blindly messy way.

like a coked out whore. just use a mirror. please. you don't look like an old hag using her pocket-sized mirror to apply old lipstick to her crackling lips. you look like a pretty, young thing who's applying that ish and being all sexy and stuff.

tip 2 is just as important. i know it seems natural to stick your index finger into your mouth to do away with excess lip color, but that motion isn't as effective as others for the purpose of making sure you have lipstick-free teeth. instead of doing this:

...try this knuckley move out and be awed at the difference you experience:

i am telling you, the knuckle removes any and all excess lipstick and gets the job done. thanks, mom. no, really. thank you, mama golden.

now i let you in on my personal collection. i'm only doing this because i trust you (yes, you) and want to share the wealth. i'll start with one word: MAC.

i'm not exaggerating when i say i've tried A TON of different brands, and MAC is king, queen, princess, prince, jester and everything in between. it's just the best. the colors, texture, container, EVERYTHING. i don't care that it's $14 a pop - it's expensive for a reason and the reason is that IT WORKS. the other part of the equation is that i have extremely sensitive skin to the point where any type of revlon lipstick causes my lips to be covered in microscopic bumps. so i couldn't even be cheap if i wanted to. here's another snapshot of my 5 top favorites:

i lined them up in the order in which i purchased them. now, allow me to break each one down for you.

M.A.C. Red

the first MAC lipstick i ever bought and the one i wore to my first work function. it's the kind of red that's like "DON'T...fuck with me." it's bold, deeper in person and (if you use white strips) makes your teeth look like pure pearl. one thing to take note of: it's a matte formula, meaning it's very dry and has no natural shine or glossiness to it.  a tip for matte formulas: apply a bit of chap stick (just a BIT) before putting it on so it goes on a little smoother. matte lipsticks can be tricky because it's literally like painting inside the lines and can get difficult. just hang in there, then pout like a bitch.


lustering is my everyday pink. it's from the lustre line in MAC (go figure), which all have that natural shine to them and are incredibly smooth and easy to put on. there's not much more to it than that. it's sort of a carnation pink and goes with pretty much any outfit. i treat it like my chap stick BUT I DON'T APPLY IT LIKE THAT. smiles.

Girl About Town

oh me? i'm just a girl about town! girl about town is from MAC's amplified line and this shit does NOT COME OFF. i'm serious. i don't know what they put in this formula, but i am telling you, i come home after a night out and wipe my lips until they're almost raw and i STILL wake up with lipstick marks on my hands and pillows because i can't get this stuff to disappear (i guess i sleep with my hands against my lips?). and i like it that way. girl about town is a deeper pink, sort of fuschia and my bold next step after lustering. i heart this stick.


i couldn't find the right font color to do this lipstick justice. impassioned is also from MAC's amplified line and is HOT FRIGGIN' PINK. i saw a girl wearing it one night, asked what it was and ran out to get it the next day. it's super fun, super bright and looks good layered with any of the previously mentioned colors. that's another tip: LAYER! it's more fun that way (that was the girliest paragraph i've ever written).

Lady Danger

LADY DANGER! this is my most recent purchase and it. is. awesome. bright coral and loud as hell. it's another matte formula (which is my least favorite formula), but the color was so awesome, i decided to deal with it. i believe this one is exclusive only to MAC stores, so you can't just find it anywhere MAC is sold, i.e. Dillard's and Nordstrom. yeah - it's that special.

WILD CARD ALERT! i decided to throw this gem in that my mom found the other week:

loreal. yeah, i said it. over-the-counter lipstick. i know - revlon made my lips break out in bumps. however, a few days into wearing this beaut and i'm totally fine. this one is called "volcanic" and is what i consider another awesome, everyday color (like lustering). check it out for a less expensive lip colour (fancy spelling because i'm fancy).

i hope you can exit out of this post having gained some knowledge, written down some lipsticks to check out or, at the very least, say you enjoyed watching me make pouty lip faces. this is what i'm walking away with:

that's right. you see what i do for you people?!

i'll leave you with some lil' mama

my lipstick be poppin.

my lipstick be bright.

don't copy my lipstick or we'll get in a fight.

just kidding. that's why i posted this - so you can copy me if you want.



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