the differences between black, white and gray

black is really dark. white is super bright. and gray is sort of a dulled down black. the end. HA - just shittin ya. in today's post, i want to discuss how different guys and girls are (unless a guy acts like a girl, then disregard all of this and maybe think about ending things with him). besides the usual and obvious things that make the opposite sexes so incredibly different, there's deeper, more complicated stuff that some people just can't seem to get through their heads, so i'm here to give it a try.

you know the book turned movie he's just not that into you? my freshman year of college, my mom sent me a little care package containing the book in hopes i would soak its words up and get over my psychotic obsession with a particular male i just couldn't seem to shake. at first i was all like "psh. whatever." but once i opened the pages and started to read, i found myself becoming less and less blinded and more and more annoyed and enraged by how true it was. yeah, the movie sucked and i love ginnifer goodwin (even though she spells her name like that) but my god she was annoying. however, the book was where it was at for me.

you see, women can rationalize anything and i mean ANYTHING. you put me in a paper bag and i will rationalize the shit out of that shit. i'll be like "no, it's totally cool that i'm in this paper bag because it's nice and temperant in here and i'm alone so i have more room to sit down." but, seriously, girls are the QUEENS of talking themselves in and out of everything.  i once dated a guy who refused to go, ahem, downtown. he said he "just didn't like to." he also didn't like to makeout because it hurt his jaw. being the silly younger girl i was, i convinced myself for 10 MONTHS that this was normal. when i started to feel empty inside and as though maybe i wasn't in something that was at its full potential, i would blame it on PMS or that i was just having an off day. when i finally came to, he had beaten me to the punch and broken up with me before i could muster up the ovaries to do it myself. and you know why? because i was vacillating in the gray area instead of just breaking it down to black and white.

sidenote: do not trust a guy who won't go there. it's not normal and it's not okay.

a lot of the time, guys can be clueless. they can't pick up on signals or their common sense escapes them when a slutty hooligan propositions themselves. however, i will give them this: it either is or it isn't. guys dont fuck around. well, they do. but when they meet a girl that makes them go "wait a second..." they don't actually wait any seconds. for guys, they're either in or out. if they want you, they want you. and the second they feel like they wanna be out, THEY'RE OUT.

with girls, we will talk ourselves up mountains, down valleys, across rivers and through a tornado of bullshit:

"he hasn't called in a week because he's scared. what we had was so intense, he's probably freaked out by it. he'll call."

"his job is SO demanding. it makes sense that i haven't heard from him for 2 days. he's really ambitious."

"he probably hasn't texted me back in 7 hours because he's thinking of the right thing to say to woo me."

"2am phone calls does NOT mean a booty call. he's just a night owl. i don't mind running on his time."

"don't most guys get wasted and screw strippers at bachelor parties?"

if he's not calling, he doesn't like you that much. if he doesn't text you back almost right away, he doesn't like you that much. if he says he was busy or his phone was dead or on silent or "there's just been some shit going on in my life lately," i'll tell you what that shit has been - nothing. guys know what they want probably more than girls do. if he isn't contacting you, he's not thinking about you. stings doesn't it? the truth hurts.

girls will flounder around and think they want this, but then decide they really want that, then go back to this. guys are like "i want her body. i want her personality. i want her face. what do i have to do to secure these things?"

oh and, although "games" will never die completely, you can help kill them by NOT PLAYING THEM. take a hint from guys and just be straight forward. why are girls so terrified of that? what's the worst that can happen? he's an asshole? he embarrasses you? you embarrass yourself? guess what. i've never heard of anyone dying from embarrassment or rejection. yeah, it sucks a whole lot and you might scream or cry and stay in bed for a few nights, but wouldn't you rather go after the shit you want rather than continue to rationalize everything in your life? next time you want to see a guy, don't let it snowball into "oh yeah! i've been dying to see that movie too..." or "i definitely don't want to sit at home but none of my friends are around tonight..." or "GOSH i sure am hungry..." try these out for a change:

"oh i've been wanting to see that movie, too!  i'd see it tonight if you were up for it."

"none of my friends are around. wanna grab a drink somewhere? otherwise i'm gonna sit here and drink alone."

"i'm starving. have you eaten? we should get food together and maybe even stay for dessert. and by dessert i mean, do you want to make out?"

STEP UP TO THE PLATE, LADIES. yeah, it's obviously worlds better when a guy will just be a guy and do all that for you, but sometimes, when they have those dumb moments and need some sort of indication that you aren't creeped out by how much they truly like you, you just gotta grab your titties and get 'er done.

 make me proud,


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