things to think on

before my weekly thursday post, i'm gonna give you some things to think on this week. exciting, right? i know.

why does there ever have to be leftover things in a public toilet? it's bad enough that we have to do our business is these situations, why can't you make sure everything has disappeared before you exit the stall and pretend to wash your hands?  there should be a standard sign above every toilet: DOUBLE CHECK YOUR SHIT WENT DOWN.

it's crazy how much effort standing takes. i hate it. i legitimately HATE standing. i'll be sitting all day and think "i need to stretch my legs and walk around." then when i get to sit again,  i breathe a huge sigh of relief. i can't last that long on my legs. i'd take a numb ass over tired, annoyed legs any day.

big red gum sucks.

falling asleep on your couch is always 10x easier to do than in bed. i think it's because, really, the couch isn't SUPPOSED to be slept on. when i was growing up, falling asleep on the couch was forbidden (my mom didn't want any "body oils" on it... ???).  now, in my own apartment with my own things, i often fall asleep accidentally on the couch and every time i do, i wake up with a huge smile and feeling accomplished. i just think sometimes you might feel a little too pressured to fall asleep in bed, so going to the couch seems to work better.

it really is the small things. i mean, knowing that i'm going to target after work today to buy groceries and 5-7 things i don't need gives me a lady boner.

the difference between a mediocre friend and a great friend is vast and you know it when it hits you in the vagina.

regardless of whether anyone notices or not, YOU know that finally getting that one stubborn eyebrow hair plucked out of your face makes you look and feel better.

soda is the beverage world's casual hookup. it's fun for a little bit, but halfway through you're like "dammit. why am i doing this? i'm not gonna feel any better about myself afterwards. i'll probably feel empty and gross."

everything does happen for a reason and i won't hear any different from anyone. i'm not saying that in a faith or religion type of way; shit just happens how it's supposed to because of other things.

i've always wanted to flip a table over in a restaurant. it's my ultimate fantasy.

are you one of those people who says hi to blasts from the past or ignores them? i ignore - SURPRISE! i mean, who gives a shit? oh look. it's a girl i went to high school with that i don't give two flips about. hang on for 5 minutes while i have the most awkward, fake, empty conversation you've ever heard. of course, if it's someone i maybe had a friendship with or was friendly to back then, i will chat with them. but if it's no one i ever cared about or barely talked to, why waste my time when i DON'T CARE? karma? maybe. but not really. i just don't like to do it.

at the office, if i take a sip of water, i have to pee. just like that. outside of the office, i can hold it for an entire day. what's the deal? perhaps my body is trained to need 15 bathroom breaks a day?

mean girls & bridget jones's diary - 2 movies that will never not be great.

if you're gonna be gross and wear flip flops as a male, AT LEAST MAKE SURE YOUR TOES ARE WELL KEPT. OMG. cut them. do something. SICK.

the degree of which i am cool with talking in movies varies on the person i'm seeing it with. if it's any member of my family, no. i get infuriated. if it's a friend, totally fine. go figure. i think we can see who i'm trying to please here.

one of the more shitty workplace feelings is when you send an email and forget to attach the file you mentioned you were attaching. it's okay when you realize it right away and send an immediate follow-up email, but it sucks when you don't see your mistake until you get responses like "the file was not attached" or "was the file supposed to be attached?" OBVIOUSLY IT WAS. THANKS FOR POINTING IT OUT, ASSHOLE.

if you move fast, you look efficient but make more small mistakes. if you move slow, you don't make mistakes but you do look sorta dumb.

chances are i will not only respect you and like you a whole lot more if you cuss, but i will want to be your best friend. if you don't cuss, like ever, you're a sissy baby pants with a doodie face who eats poop for breakfast.

i like being vulgar purely for shock value. suck it.

 the day i finally can get rid of my blackberry forever, i will run through my apartment naked. you thought i was gonna say somewhere public, didn't you? no. just through my apartment while simultaneously lighting it on fire and screaming. naked.

i've never gotten a really great full body massage. are my hopes too high or have i been getting jipped?

there are 3 types of people not to trust: a person who genuinely dislikes dogs, a person who hates garlic, a person who has never had a sip of alcohol in their life. if you encounter someone who embodies all 3 of these things, call the police immediately. i'm sure there's a body hidden under their floorboards or something.

happy tuesday until thursday,

emma

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