how to use a tampon

i know what you're thinking - WHAT??? but, come on. if you read this regularly, you know i'm not about to actually document how to use a tampon. OR AM I? no, i'm not. in fact, i'm going to show you a number of other ways to utilize the tampon you may have never thought of yourself. it's amazing what one can discover when they sit down to write a blog and decide to experiment with different usages for our cotton friend. boys, i promise this post won't make you vomit. actually, maybe it will - FROM LAUGHTER (i hope).

what you are about to see is my mind + 2 of my greatest friends' minds at work. all together, we came up with a pretty decent handful of "other ways" to use a tampon. enjoy and if you try any of them out, let me know!

idea 1

oh no! a water spill in the kitchen. how typical AND annoying (there really is water on the counter. you just can't see it. it's invisible like that). every single one of my towels is in the wash, i have no paper towels and we all know toilet paper isn't gonna get the job done. WHATEVER SHALL I DO?

DUH! tampons! i mean, these things ARE meant to soak up fluids. look at them expand and go! i'm so glad i have a vagina AND that i'm super resourceful and smart.

idea 2

don't you just HATE bloody noses? it makes me want to punch someone in the face when someone gets a random bloody nose. i'm serious. it grosses me out so badly and confuses me to no end. however, that's besides the point. next time your sniffer is giving you trouble and no tissues are in sight, USE TAMPONS!

they (the tampons) won't even know the difference.

idea 3

it's saturday night. you're in a bind for an outfit. you've worn the same shit over and over and wish you had SOMETHING to spruce it up. um, hellloooooooo!

pull that shit completely apart and wear it as a hair accessory! OR if you're not into the hair stuff...

go ultra sex and the city and wear it as a brooch! but do both these things BEFORE labor day. just because you'll be seen as incredibly fashion forward doesn't mean you to get to break the cardinal "no white after labor day" rule. come on, gurl!

idea 4

while we're on the topic of fashion, a tampon can also be used to snazz up any necklace that just isn't cutting it anymore.

not only am i sporting a tampon around my neck, i'm also an aries. and aries are leaders. so follow me because, baby, i'm only gonna lead you to great places!

idea 5

we all know how lame it is to have to give yourself a pedicure. going and getting them done is so much better, but sometimes (sometimes) you gotta be smart and save that dough. for your next at-home spa session, INTEGRATE SOME TAMPS!

i know - amazing. here's another angle to further your shock and awe.

my toes look great and are miles apart from touching one another. INCREDIBLE!

idea 6

i know. all these ideas are getting you so excited, you probably need to take some deep breaths. OH TAMPONS CAN BE USED FOR THAT, TOO.

i mean, who has ACTUAL brown paper bags anymore? they don't package these suckers in perfectly thin plastic wrap for no reason. periods cause anxiety and if you don't open up your tampons like an animal, you can preserve their wrapping to help you breathe in times of great stress.

idea 7

i've gotta tell ya. writing this post has made me tired and hungry. oh i know what i want!

scrambled eggs!!! ain't nothing like a bowl of these bitches. AND i have no whisker, but look at what my tampon can do! simply amazing. wisk that shit, tampon. wisk it.

oh no. i just realized every single utensil i own is dirty. how ironic...

i'm the poster girl for resourcefulness.

idea 8

i am worn out, folks. and i have eggs in my teeth. oh hang on...

NO BRAINER!!!!!!!

now go out there and get 'em! unless you're pmsing for real, then get in bed with a heating pad and make a list of things you hate.

 

hearts!

emma

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