i have nothing to say

i'll tell you this much - the fact that my "like" button hasn't been working is really unnerving. how do i know if you people ACTUALLY like me? if you don't click the button so i have proof, i am nothing. my blog is nothing. all of this is for nothing. no, i know it's not like that, but seriously my malfunctioning "like" button is giving me hot flashes. i wish i could get help to fix it since i am no computer wiz and it takes a genius to fix this type of stuff.

this past weekend, i hosted an all girl's slumber party!!!!!!!! that's right - i'm in my mid-20s and i had a massive sleepover. we drank booze, ate crap and laughed. some of us even cried (to be expected when you put 7 vaginas in one apartment). my visit down sleepover lane reminded me of all the silly games we used to play way back when; for example, "never have i ever." then i decided i was going to fill out a survey about myself since i really had no other ideas for this post and maybe, just maybe, you would care to get to know me more?

survey questions (obviously hand selected by yours truly):

  "have you ever... "

danced in the rain: why yes, yes i have. i've also gone mud sliding in the rain, kissed in the rain (totally overrated) and played beer pong in the rain.

tripped and had an embarrassing fall: ya know - i'm not clumsy. i'm just not a tripper or faller. although, i did miss a step on the stairs the other day and made a loud noise, but luckily no one was around. thank the lard. gotta keep my reputation for being totally poised and graceful solid around the office.

smoked: oh FOR TOTES. tried my first ciggy at 16 by my friends backing me up against a fence until i did it. and, of course, did the whole thinking i was smoking but really wasn't inhaling it in my lungs thing. i once had my friend in college buy me a pack of parliament lights so i could have my own, true pack of cigs. i smoked one and threw the carton away. she yelled at me for weeks.

got drunk: what? oh shit! just spilled wine all over myself. i'm so dumb. hahahahahaha. i am, though. i am dumb. ::sobbing:: why can't i just be normal and smart??? life is so hard sometimes. i'm hungry. and tired. and  ::vomit::

done drugs: done A drug. the 'ole herb. and let me tell you something, kids - pot isn't for neurotic, worrisome, anxious people. NO, it doesn't "calm" me down. it calms me up and makes me think my current squeeze is in love with my best friend or that i'm really dead and have been for years and this isn't real life. i can't.

gone skinny-dipping: if you went to a decently cool summer camp, after a certain age you were naked at night and running around half the time.

been in a car accident: yeah. i don't wanna talk about it. RIP pathfinder. i will always love you. you did me good and protected me on kansas ice patches. i miss your leather interior and peace sign sticker.

met the president: yeah, he's sitting here with me right now. hang on - gotta go grab obama a brewsky. THIS GUY!

met a celebrity: mira sorvino - bitch. tom green - weirder than you ever originially imagined. seth green - pleasant and very short. ellen degeneres AND anne heche (when they were together) - uh... it was weird and in her dressing room backstage after her stand-up at the majestic. jimmy fallon - was THIS CLOSE to me and i couldn't do it. my girlhood crush on him was so massive, i literally was paralyzed.

cried over a movie: HA. WHAT? I HAVE NO TEAR DUCTS FOR SAPPY LOVE SHIT (this weekend, after watching moulin rouge for the 35th time).

shoplifted: my friend (who i'm still close with to this day), shoved a pair of stud earrings in my purse and told me to move out of the store fast. i still feel guilty. IT WAS INDIRECT!

laughed so hard you cried: and peed my pants simultaneously, yes.

cried for no reason at all: every other day.

"the last..."

thing you said: "ok bye!" to my mom on the phone. (i lead a really enthralling phone life).

thing you ate: an AMAZING home cooked meal consisting of a roasted red pepper pan sauce and chicken and quinoa on the side - all of which i made. that's right. what's up now.

song you heard: "white nights" by oh land. don't ask questions; figure her out for yourself.

movie you saw: HARRY POTTER, OBVIOUSLY. HOW DARE YOU EVEN ASK. and i sobbed. and ate a gallon of popcorn WITH m&m's mixed in.

cd you bought: CD? omg. uh. uh........ oh ya know what? i think it was alanis's newest one from like 2008 or something. yeah. let's say that because otherwise, i'm gonna be sitting here all night thinking way too hard and i don't wanna do that.

book you read: hunger games OBVIOUSSSLLLLLYYYYYY. i have 30 pages left of catching fire and i refuse to finish it. everyone - LITERALLY everyone - has only said how disappointing mockingjay is. why would i want to hurry up and finish the 2nd one?

phone call: mom

IM: you mean gchat, mr. survey? my sister.

person you yelled at: i haven't yelled in a while, actually. that's good for me. i probably yelled in a happy way at my slumber party, so i'll count that.

all right, that's enough. i hope you learned some about me, or maybe you clicked out of this post immediately upon discovering there were no pictures. what are you, 7?!!?? jk lylas xoxo.

- emma

 

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