in the event of a small apartment fire...

living alone is THE best. no, no. seriously. if you don't believe me you're either a) way too dependent of a person to handle it or b) you're dumb. living alone is like having a kingdom: you are the master - your rules, your schedule, your constant nakedness with no one watching. i could never go back to my old ways of roommates and i shan't! I WON'T. of course, when you first go from living with friends or family to being completely alone, it's natural to have first-timer jitters. you check the locks twice before bed, you maybe don't sleep as soundly the first few weeks - but soon all is well and knowing that you're coming home to no one except maybe a dog or the sound of your A/C running is heavenly.

i wasn't sure if you noticed, but i'm a thinker and i like to create "what if" situations in my head. it's sort of a sick pastime of mine. frequently, i have daydreamed about WHAT IF there were to be a sudden fire in my little apartment? after i stopped, dropped, started sobbing while rolling and screaming "I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!", i would like to think perhaps i had a few seconds to grab the possessions that mean the very most to me.

my baby pillow

DISCLAIMER: what you are about to see is incredibly disturbing. i've legitimately had it since 1987.

i know. i'm sorry. but this is my #1, must-take-with-me-in-the-event-of-a-fire item (don't know if i needed all those dashes). this pillow provides me with the PERFECT bit of extra elevation i need to sleep - it's true! it's not a weird obsession thing like freaks who carry their baby blankets around until they're 30. i need that 1-2 extra inches of elevation to sleep right. my parents once got so upset that i was a college student who still possessed this pillow, they hid it from me during a visit home without me noticing until i was back at school. i called and pleaded with them; they played dumb. "we haven't seen it!" finally, after a desperate email (entitled: "Plea for a Pee-low), they caved, admitted they were trying to get rid of my last piece of childhood and shipped the pillow to me. i've never fully forgiven them for that. HEY! AND IT CLEANS UP WELL!

you can't even tell it's a disgusting, rotting mess underneath! sort of like all celebrities ever.

my computer

yeah, you like those smudges all over the top? get over it. this is a boring item to list, but it's true - my life is in this computer. sure, i have a hard drive with a lot of pictures saved, but this thing... it's my baby. you hear that, macbook? i love you. and i'm gonna clean those smudges off of you in another 2 years.

my seinfeld dvds

i mean, does this even need explaining? OBVIOUSLY i couldn't just run out and leave these. i would risk 3rd-degree burns for my seinfeld dvds. oh sure, i could replace them. but these are my first copies, the ones i've watched so much, i'm surprised one of them hasn't just snapped in half yet. i might be homeless after the fire for months with no DVD player, but i'll be damned if i'm not toting around these gems everywhere my homeless ass goes.

NOT my blackberry

let me tell you something. if there was a fire, i'd also suffer 3rd degree burns to take the time to tie this piece of shit up in a mini chair and laugh while it went up in flames. i would crawl on my hands and knees and gulp down a pound of smoke to find the hottest part of the fire and throw this little bitch straight into the mouth of the demon. no - i have no love for this phone. it's slow. it's not an iphone. and it's a blackberry. case closed.

my favorite t-shirt

best t-shirt ever. it's a sleeping shirt, but that's no matter. it captures the essence of my hairstyles and has been in my PJ drawer longer than i can remember. i'm not even sure where it originated from. probably my dad... he DID have a huge Jewfro back in the day.

my nana's velvet robe

this thing is gaudy, soft and warm just like my nana was. i'm not gonna get too sentimental - i'm just gonna say that this is one of my favorite things of hers that i took and i wear it. a lot. pretty much everyday. at any given point during the evening hours, you can find me draped in this, wine in hand, updo done and singing broadway. all of those were a lie. except for the wine. not EVERY night, though. come on. i'm no lush. haha. ha. i'm not. ::hiccup::

my newest poster

oh i'm sorry... the most amazing print i've ever owned. i haven't gotten it framed yet because i want it all to be just right when it's said and done. this would probably go up in flames almost immediately seeing as though it's paper OR i could grab it quick enough and perhaps chuck it over the balcony. again, i could order a replacement offline but hey. there just ain't nothing like the original.

now i'm just being practical...

hey! ya never know, right? like i said earlier, who knows how long i would be homeless after such a traumatic event (not long, considering my parents live 25 minutes away...)! i don't want bad breath, i won't settle for "manual" brushes and i'm just cleanly like that.

but, in all seriousness, if there really WAS  a freak fire in my apartment, my "saves" would be that nappy baby pillow and my computer first. if there was enough time and i could judge my closeness to death well, i would try for the dvds. and, regardless of anything, i really would use a couple vital seconds to watch my blackberry burn a slow, torturous death.

thanks for playing today's "what if" game!

- emma

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