ah, to be young. no, that's an "AHHHH!"

being in your 20s sucks balls. yeah i said it. everything's unclear. everything's unsure. you don't know what's gonna happen, how it's gonna happen or where why or who is gonna happen. top that off with a healthy dose of daily anxiety and you got yerself a pretty big serving of WHAT IN THE FUCK. i haven't met many 20-somethings that don't suffer from that WTF factor. there are exceptions to the rule, of course, as there are to everything (i.e. trust fund douches, pretentious know-it-alls, extreme and insane go-getters and any and all true southerners), but for the most part, i have encountered only extremely confused and frightened peers and it really does make me feel better at the end of the day.

i've been through some shit. no, it's not at all serious shit in the grand scheme of life, but it's shit nonetheless. lost friendships, breakups, miserable jobs and having $0 in my bank account. but because of all of those happenings, i have lately found myself in this mindset of "WHO CARES." of course i'm still gonna worry about does this shirt cling too much to my mid-section? why did she just give me that look? i wonder if i'm getting fired tomorrow? but, the most recent events i've experienced have left me with a true mentality of: you only have one life. we lose sight of that ESPECIALLY at 24,25,26 - and you know why? because EVERYTHING IS THE END OF THE WORLD. i thought i was dramatic in high school? HA! what a joke. that was amateur, like local playhouse bullshit. nowadays it's like i'm on fucking broadway every single day and night, belting out to the world about life love loss and all else!

but that's why i've adopted this thought-process lately of "juuuuust do it!" who cares??? why do you care? why does anyone care? it's your fucking life. look, i know it's corny as hell but you don't want to look back and EVER think "what if." probably one of the worst feelings in the world is regret. if you never try, you LITERALLY will never know. speculation and projection can kill you (mentally, anyway). you gotta say fuck it and DO WHAT YOU WANT. go after what you really like. or WHO you really like. at least if it doesn't come to fruition you can say "well, at least i tried?" AND the best part? you'll have stories. stories are the BEST! and if you have stories to tell, you'll be the life of the fuckin party, man! come gather round and listen to all the times i made a complete ass of myself or did something i knew was gonna end up being bad in the long run or when i blew all my money on this one thing i HAD to have! it'll be fun!

this age, right now, is that age where you are having to seriously accept your adulthood status. you're really not a kid anymore. however, you're not FULLY an adult. it's that in-between stage that's completely gray. "i WANT to go out and get wasted, but i know i have an energy bill to pay on monday." "all i'm craving is chipotle but i'm 24/25 now and that shit doesn't disappear into thin air like it used to when i was, oh, 23?" "i know i should be saving money, but FUCK i really want those booties AND that dress. and i NEEEED that $20 headband for reasons i will justify later." it just kinda sucks all around.

i've found the best way to cope with the ridiculous stresses and stupidity of these mid-years is to try your very best to tell it to EFF OFF. limit your group of friends. don't be buds with people who are pieces of shit. a really awesome human being is extremely rare and CONNECTIONS with people - true connections - are as hard to experience as finding a way to tell someone you "need to talk" without actually SAYING the words themselves.  follow your gut and i SWEAR it'll all be okay. sometimes it can be the hardest thing you've ever done (i.e. actually trusting your instincts), but once you begin to and make it a habit you'll see how smart you can truly be during this shitty, confusing, odd, awkward, eye-narrowing stage of life.

trust me. i have a curly hair.

- emma

emmaComment