i never wear my sunglasses at night... ever

i never understood that fad - wearing your sunglasses at night. i get it if you often find yourself participating in a poker tournament or, better yet, if you're coked out at a bumpin' club scene. but other than that, i just... i don't do it. as a matter of fact, for someone who owns 9 pairs of sunglasses at the moment, you would think i'm always sporting a pair of them at any given time during the day and you'd be wrong. you see, i'm what you call an "impulse" buyer when it comes to sunglasses. they lure me in every time and i always end up buying a pair, but i'm not even one of those people who wears them rain or shine, awake or asleep, shower or no shower. i'll go through my days of REALLY feelin' it, but most times, i wear them for an hour and they're off.

that being said, i felt like i should dedicate a blog to my stupid collection of sunglasses. i'm not sure if 9 pair is even considered "a lot" - trust me, i've probably had 12-15 pair at a time, but they've been broken or lost along the way. say hello to my glasses:

as you can see, i've divvied them up into categories. (L to R) we have the "cover my entire face for the most part" group, the "smaller and hipper" group, and the "OMG i'm so fun!" group. let's face it; when you wake up in the morning, you never know what you're gonna feel like (unless you have jury duty that day, or just got dumped the night before, or had food poisoning until 4am, or... whatever). i think it's smart to have loads of sunglasses to choose from so you can be sure to fit your mood. like the great George Costanza once said:

...within that basic framework there are many subtle variations only discernible to an acute observer that reflect the many moods, the many shades, the many sides of George Costanza

and i feel the same when it comes to sunglasses.

the "OMG i'm so fun!" group


ah!!! AH!!! you guys! look at me! aren't i a riot?! the red ones i definitely got to support my alma mater's colors: crimson and blue. little did everyone know, i only wore them as a distraction from my total lack of knowledge when it comes to most sports. "YAY! TOUCHDOWN! LOOK AT MY SUNGLASSES EVERYBODY!" i think it worked pretty well. the bright green/yellow ones were my "lake" sunglasses this past summer. "i may not have washboard abs, but LOOK UP HERE! HELLO! BAM - YELLOW/GREEN SUNGLASSES, BITCHES! LET'S DRINK." works 60% of the time, every time.

the "smaller and hipper" group


when my father handed these to me, i died a little inside. at first i thought they were oliver people's (just like larry d's), but quickly discovered they were jimmy jack's. no mind to me. they're still vintage and still awesome. sure, they barely have any sort of UV protection and my eye sockets feel like they're burning out if i actually try and look into the sun while wearing them, but they're cool - and that's all that really matters. thanks, daddy-o.

i still have NO idea where these came from. i found them in my car not too long ago, asked any and everyone i could think of that had been in my car lately, and decided perhaps they were a valet guy's? very strange, but nonetheless, i sport them from time to time. they're totally my "found these in my car and OH SHIT i forgot my sunglasses BUT WAIT! i have those ones i found in my car IN my car, thank goodness!" glasses. thank you to whoever left them behind. and, if you're reading this and they're yours, you're a terrible parent and don't deserve to have them back.

these i purchased while on a trip to Chicago right after my college graduation. i walked around the city sobbing for most of that trip, and when my mom and sister assured me that these sunglasses were the cat's meow and i should buy them, it made me feel better for 10 minutes. then i started crying again. they're really not that great on - the only special thing about them is the WHOA! POP OF ORANGE! inside. other than that, meh. MEH to you, sunglasses. meh.

the "cover my entire face for the most part" group


you can see my peace sign THROUGH my hair? yeah, i know. so intensely hippie right now. i got these for the sole purpose to sport at ACL this year. i figured, if i'm gonna be out in a massive field/park for 2 days, i might as well play the part, right? i'll probably never wear them again unless a tornado comes and sweeps up all my other sunglasses. or like if a sunglass bandit steals them all or something. it could happen.

FINALLY - a normal pair, right? these are my everyday-ers. they're a bit crooked, but if placed just so, you could never tell. i feel like i always get the crooked pair. it's never crooked in the store, but a day later, i realize they're off-kilter somewhat. UGH that's so my life. i wish i didn't have it so hard. : /

ROBOCOP sunglasses. first off, i apologize for the mass amounts of smudges on these babies. but can you even blame me?! THEY'RE HUGE! they're bound to get smudgy. these are FOR SURE the "don't look at me. i literally don't want you to see any of my face at all. for all you know, i don't even HAVE eyes" sunglasses. i don't wear them often, but when i do... watch out. i'm probably starving or have a black eye from fighting so many bitches.

i've had these FOREVER and didn't realize until now that they're the ultimate "i can't" sunglasses. so diva, so glamourous. i just... i can't. not when i'm in these. what? you saw her doing what with who? no. hand to the face, absolutely cannot. CAN'T.

i make this face because i'm like hey. ya know what? when i got these, i thought they were THE coolest shades ever (i think that about every single pair i buy). i made a vow to myself that these were the last sunglasses i would buy for a while (i say that to myself every single time). i never touch them anymore, but EH. they're not so bad!

so there you have it, folks. the many SHADES, moods, sides, looks, facial expressions of emma golden.



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