the worst possible things to say to a human

this entry doesn't need a long introduction, because i am going to rant enough already as it is. this title might have thrown you and led to think these phrases i'm about to deem horrible to say to anyone are really terrible things including cuss words and the most crass shit you could possibly think of, but you'd be wrong. very wrong. you see, i cuss for shock value. i cuss because it's just how i express myself. i mean no harm by it. sure, some sentences that come out of my mouth seem unreal and like a bit too much, but to me, cussing isn't "evil." there are many other words and terms MUCH MUCH more upsetting than a casual "fuck" or "cunt." tell me you don't agree after reading this.

1) "you're annoying"

 when this has been said to me (and trust me, as much as it hutrs to admit that, it has been) it causes more pain than if someone were to rip a chunk of my hair out while simultaneously jabbing a knife into my side and pouring hot wax into my eye balls. the word "annoying" is so hateful. it cuts to the core. it insinuates "you're BOTHERING me," "i can't stand you," "get away from me or just stop talking all together because i can't handle you right now." it makes me feel like a 7-year-old who won't stop bopping my babysitter on the head with a toy or a stupid slut with a high-pitched voice who can only talk in depth about her hair. OH, i'm ANNOYING you? well... you... ARE A  JERK. i mean what can you even say to that? and especially when a BITCH says it with that ugly snarl on her stupid face. this one really burns deep, deep down. might as well set my fucking body on fire and throw me to a wild pack of dogs because that's the equivalent to me.


2) "relax/calm down/chill"

 allow me to let you in on something... I'M NOT FREAKING OUT. DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX OR CALM DOWN OR CHILL EVER OR ELSE I WILL FREAK OUT. YOU THINK I'M FREAKING OUT NOW? TELL ME TO COOL IT. I DARE YOU. SEE WHAT HAPPENS. i CANNOT handle any sort of order like this from anyone unless i'm legitimately sobbing or throwing plates into a wall out of rage. if i'm just talking and happen to get a bit excited in my voice, that DOES NOT solicit a "CALM DOWN" statement. i will slice you if you accuse me of NOT being calm and then i really WON'T be calm and then i'll be taken to an institution and it'll be all your fault. how'd ya like that? phrases like "everybody just calm down" - fine. ok. especially when said in a joking matter. but any of these phrases used on me in an otherwise totally normal situation... no mam. and have you ever noticed that by TELLING someone to chill out, it makes them angrier? 9 times out of 10, when you take it upon yourself to tell someone to be something, they will be the complete opposite. so. yeah. think about that next time.


3) "you're pathetic"

 oh, i'm sorry. am i? NO. YOU ARE. "pathetic" is such an ugly word to describe a person. you better be real fucking sure you're using it correctly or at someone who realizes you're joking, or you are just a straight up derogatory term for a vagina. "pathetic." even the way it sounds with that "ICK" at the end makes it so ugly. if someone ever said that to me, i'd be all like "oh am i? well, you're obviously from the 80s because i haven't heard that word in a while." and they'd be all like "i AM from the 80s... i grew up in the 80s..." and i'd be like "WELL. times, they are a-changin, pal!" and they'd be like "pal? who says pal anymore?" and i'd say "ME. I DO." the point is, "pathetic" is almost as hateful as "annoying." the only truly pathetic things in life are: sad dogs with weird limbs or big eyes, people who got dumped and mope around eating a lot of ice cream, people who can't play sports - not even a pickup game of catch. that's really about it. otherwise, you're just a bitch for using the word and probably don't like yourself or have bad breath.


4) "shut up"

 this is a big one. in my family, you can say "she's such a raging cunt licker" and my dad might raise an eyebrow, but my mom will agree and come back with something bigger and more disgusting. i can walk around my parent's house and yell "FUCK! I'M SO FUCKING MAD RIGHT NOW! FUCKING FUCK FUCKITY!" and no one really blinks an eye. however, you tell someone to "shut up" ? DISOWNED.  like i said earlier, cussing to me is just a way of expressing yourself. it's really chunky, gross word vomit and sometimes leaves a sour, nasty taste in your motuh. but to tell someone to "shut up"? well. that's just plain RUDE. and DISRESPECTFUL. you're taking away their right of free speech. you don't have control over whether they shut up or down. if i tell someone to "fuck off," i'm just telling them to fuck off.  you can't REALLY go fuck off, can you? i'm not sure that's a real thing. but if i tell someone to "shut up," i'm ordering them to shut their fucking mouth and that is very possible to do and NOT COOL. in my opinion, it's one of the worst phrases.


5) "you look tired"

sorry, i didn't hear you. did you just tell me i'm ugly? that i look like total shit? that it looks like i barely tried this morning and maybe even got hit in the face last night with a paddle? oh, that's not what you were saying? OH! you said it looks like i have the flu and a terminal case of TB, yet i'm actually perfectly healthy. if you want instant enemies, say this to someone's face. everyone knows no one ever means "tired";  they mean "ugly" or "holy shit ugly." i'm not even sure why people ever use this phrase for any reason knowing full-well how truly evil it is. if someone looks like crap or like they really got no sleep for the past 16 days, it's not your place to tell them so unless you're their mother or best friend who tells it like it is. i have no problem being straight foward with friends and even I won't stoop this low. instead of using your words to tell your friends they need to pull their act together and not look so dowdy, perhaps leave an ambien, a bottle of nyquil, a new lipstick and a small retail store gift card on their desk or doorstep in hopes that they'll take a hint or 5.


6) "grow up"

anyone who says this is more immature than you're acting, i guarantee it (said like the man from men's warehouse). using this stupid phrase as ammo during a heated discussion is a copout. that person has nothing else to say. they can hear themselves sounding like a fool, but when they reach down deep inside for something sensical to say, this is all they come up with. chances are they know how irrational THEY'RE being, so do the whole reverse-psychology thing and tell YOU to grow up so you feel bad when REALLY... it's them. the point is, people who say this are twisted. they're stupid doodoo heads who eat poop for breakfast and smell like caca! and i would know because i'm queen of the world.


 and last, but CERTAINLY not least and the one that sets my innards of fire:

7) "you're lame/that's lame/lame"

this is the true kicker. it's another word that just really drives the point home that YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG FOR SAYING IT. usually, this phrase or term is used when trying to tear someone down for not wanting to do what you want to do. for example, you feel like staying in on a friday or saturday night. you're tired, you need a night off from killing your liver for the past however many years, and watching a movie with no one sounds awesome. your bitch friend who cannot socially function without you as a crutch or who has never sat alone at home in his/her apartment one night in his/her life says, "wow. you're so lame." "OMG LAME." "that's so lame. why are you being so lame?" because i FEEL like it. i feel like being a huge loser in your eyes because i don't need to drink to have fun tonight. i'm poor, i don't want to spend the money. no, i don't care if you'll buy my drinks. that's not the point. just LEAVE ME ALONE. or, better yet...



now you know all my triggers. i dare you to pull one.

- emma

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