give thanks then pour some wine

man, do i wish my family drank more. but that's just a sidenote.

with this week being Thanksgiving, i thought it more than appropriate, the MOST appropriate, to write a post about things i'm thankful for. not corny, either like friends or family. i mean, you all know i'm thankful for you if you fall under either of those two categories. let me put it this way: if you are one of the select few who to get to hear my bullshit all day long and don't get tired of me, you fall under those two categories and for that, i am infinitely thankful.

i feel there are so many things overlooked when it comes to being grateful for shit, so (per usual) i began compiling a list of things i TRULY am thankful for and probably wouldn't function properly without.

i'm thankful for...

the pumice stone. i'm sorry, have you ever bought one of these for your home and used it frequently? well i have and let me tell you - LIFE. CHANGING. actually, i did better than buying JUST  a pumice stone and bought a 4-in-1 foot mabopper and it includes a brush, a heel scraper (ew), that flat black pad thing AND a pumice stone and i do not miss a shower without using 1 of the 4. amazing shit, y'all. not only will you be thanking yourself, your feet will be thanking your brain for being so savvy as to invest in this ditty.

i'm thankful for...

 

hoodies. i mean, my god. i'm out of my school days and yet i STILL find great joy and safety in putting a hoody on, hood up and everything. it feels secure in there. no one can hurt you and you somehow become invisible to the world for that little bit. hoodies are just great and will never not be wonderful. let's see here... long sleeves. pockets. zipper. HOOD. amazing. full coverage, but can still somehow look stupid adorable if worn correctly (consult your coolest, most fashionable friend for 'how to's).

i'm thankful for...

 

(that's legit right there. that is me and my hair)

the fact that i don't have to blow dry my hair or straighten it or anything. don't get me wrong, i dislike my hair most days. it's very stubborn and has a mind of its own - literally. i have no idea how it will look day-to-day. sounds exciting, but it really sucks. HOWEVER, i will say that my after shower routine is not a pain in the ass whatsoever and i don't have to blow heat on my head and face while becoming extremely overheated. my hair sets and dries on its own and for that i am truly grateful and at its will. fucker.

i'm thankful for...

 

not being born a transgender (eg: chaz "chastity sun" bono). i mean HOW FUCKING BAD WOULD THAT SUCK? well, i got this vagina here but i reeeeeeeeeally want a penis. and like other vaginas. oh. i guess i'm innately a man? with a vagina? cool. let's just go ahead and fix that. love and sex are already confusing enough as it is, i don't need questioning my ACTUAL genitalia to be thrown into the mix. you think i'm fucking around, but i really am thankful that i was born a lady. with a vagina. that i like. and it likes penises. and that's as far as it goes.

i'm thankful for...

brita. man. THANK YOU, brita. thank you. for everything. for all water everywhere. for fixing life. i would never use another brand. you have my loyalty for life. take it for what it's worth.

i'm thankful for...

half and half. i just don't know what i would do without this delicious cream concoction in my coffee. trust me, i run out of it frequently and have to downgrade to milk and it KILLS me. it's just not the same. that cream really does something to an already delicious cup of coffee. it's like asking me would you rather have a big weiner or a small weiner? it's an obvious answer. big weiner, half and half.

i'm thankful for...

 

GAP always having sales. and that my GAP card is registered under my mom's account. and you wonder why 1/2 my wardrobe is from there at any given point in my life.

i'm thankful for...

my apartment complex ACTUALLY negotiating my renewal rate with me. i was told when i first signed a lease that renewals were always negotiable. that's spanish for "you will pay what we say and if you don't like it, leave. we don't give a fuck." well, i put my size 6.5/7/7.5 (it's always changing) foot down and said "NU HUH. NOPE. YOU SAID. SO FIGURE IT OUT." and they cut my price increase in half! don't be fooled; usually that type of shit doesn't happen to me and dealing with apartment complex employees is like dealing with a person with zero humor and no affect - wait. that's EXACTLY what it's like. however, i overcame all that and am still paying way too much, but at least it's not WAY too much.

i'm thankful for...

 

wine. duh.

i'm thankful for...

TV on DVD. come on. i know, i know. netflix and lalala. BUT STILL. TV on DVD is so fantastical. granted, the only TV on DVD i've really indulged in is seinfeld, but if i weren't so obsessed and weird and stubborn about it, i would TOTALLY watch more older shows from start to finish. it's so great because there's no waiting. you get to see what happens right away. "to be continued," they say? PSH. more like, let me just pop the next disc in! good move, entertainment industry. good move.

i'm thankful for...

 

queso. although it's made all of my pants tighter and skirts shorter, i love you and you love me and it's unconditional and you can't get any better than that.

i'm thankful for...

the fact that my mom is obsessed with keeping butt loads of extra product in the house, so i haven't paid for paper towels or toilet paper since i moved back to dallas. she always lets me take some. well, actually she seems to be getting miffed and might start making me buy my own, but at least i'll be able to say it was a good run.

i'm thankful for...

the ability to write and entertain whoever's interested in being entertained by me. thanks for reading if you do!

have a fantastic turkey day, everyone. don't choke on food, be polite and try and go out for a beer after dinner - that's the best part.

- emma

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