ya know what's funny?

other than obvious shit? a lot of other stuff. the end.

just kidding.

as you might have noticed if you are a consistent reader of my blog, i like to observe. pretty sure i've explained why/how/where/what i observe multiple times, so i won't get into that, but basically i'm just very ALERT to my surroundings. i have a lot of thoughts - sometimes it makes for good conversation, sometimes it makes me want to scream because there's no "off" switch and i just want to go to bed. regardless, i notice a lot and 9 times out of 10, i like to discuss what i notice. this entry is no exception.

so...

ya know what's funny?

---> how much girls love making out and, even at a bit older of an age (i.e. not a crazy hormonal teenager but a more matured and just as hormonal young adult), can still enjoy a legit makeout session without needing to go much further than just that. i'm talking after consummation of a relationship, too. even when sex has already entered the picture, a lady still genuinely takes serious pleasure in necking. but men? nah, dude. no way. you make out for 12 seconds, they want some sex. they're like "ya? kissing? no, this is great. but now we're gonna need to bone." it's hilarious.

ya know what's funny?

---> how the majority of us sit on our asses all day staring at a computer screen, getting up randomly to stretch or to go get water, but all we do after work is sit more. the longest we're on our feet standing and actually supporting our entire body weight is in the shower or maybe if you're a cook and make real dinners in the kitchen. other than that, we go from sitting at our desk, to sitting in the car, to sitting on the couch, to laying in bed. it's a wonder anyone has a real ass anymore. wouldn't you expect all asses everywhere to be completely flattened from all the sitting? kim kardashian is a stander. that's for damn sure.

ya know what's funny?

---> how much taste buds change. when you're a shitty little kid, you're all like "i want chicken nuggys!!!" and you eat half of one and poo-poo the rest of them. then, you start to gradually open your world to a few more edible options. "i GUESS i'll have cheese on my burger..." suddenly, you're in your 20s and enjoying couscous and all sorts of bean varieties. things i still won't touch, though? raw tomatoes unless they're masked underneath a bevvy of other flavors, olives of any shape size or color, and honey mustard dressing - it just bothers the SHIT out of me.

ya know what's funny?

---> how the work day doesn't need to be more than 4 hours. think about it. do you seriously work 8 straight hours every single day without blinking an eye? okay, that wasn't a good way to put it because obviously you blink when you are or aren't working hard. my point is - if you added up the minutes you spend checking gmail, stalking facebook, laughing at someecards, visiting your coworkers' desks, staring off into space... you'd probably get around 4 hours worth of bullshit and 4 hours of actual work getting done. i would gladly work 12-hour days from 7a-7p if i could have a 3-day weekend including friday every single week. sigh.

ya know what's funny?

---> how everyday i say i'm gonna try and do better with eating healthier and then i make incredible chocolate chip cookies from scratch. so sue me.

ya know what's funny?

---> how all beds on television shows are full-size. never queen or king. it's always a full or a double. a married couple sleeping in a double bed. sure. that's realistic. of course, i know it's for filming and framing purposes. but it's so annoying. and funny.

ya know what's funny?

---> this phrase: "guys like tight pussies but loose plans." i came up with that. i know. it's funny.

ya know what's funny?

---> that several people who have heard me type think i'm being a jackass and just typing gibberish on the keyboard but then they see i typed perfect sentences and have a freakishly awesome typing talent that i got from staying on AIM way too long at night during high school and writing teenage-angst stories on the computer from a young age. holy run-on sentence.

ya know what's funny?

---> more so awkward than funny, but holding doors for people. like when you're at the door, you're holding it, but they're not quite RIGHT behind you, but close enough that you guess you should hold it. that awkward "do i hold it or let it shut behind me?" distance is the worst. it's like even if they're 10 people-lengths behind you, you have to hold it ESPECIALLY if it's just you and them in the immediate vicinity. and ESPECIALLY if you're going in the same direction. i've taken my fair share of risks with letting the door shut behind me and every time, i count in my head how many seconds behind me that person really was and cringe when i hear the door re-open at 5 seconds. what an asshole i was for not holding it.

ya know what's funny?

---> this: 

once i decide i hate you, everything you do is disgusting and vile and even when you are wearing an awesome outfit that i wish i had thought of first, YOU'RE A BITCH.

ya know what's funny?

---> how i can have 3-4 glasses of wine alone at home and not feel very drunk at all, but have 2 glasses out in the real world at a bar and feel super buzzed. what's up with that???

ya know what's funny?

---> how even when you're sort of warm, you need a blanket to sleep. at least i do. i can't lay on my couch or in bed without full coverage, even during the dead of summer. go figure. especially because i sweat more than your average lady bear.

ya know what's funny?

---> how much clearer you see things when you're not IN the situation. this goes back to my advice post - how people can dish it out but can't take their own. i can SEE a situation perfectly when i'm on the outside looking in, but when i'm in the situation, i lose sight of it all and need glasses. i wish i needed glasses. god, i wish i had glasses so bad.

ya know what's funny?

---> how we've all perfected getting ready for work in a pinch. we set our alarms for an early time, but know deep down we can be ready in 15 minutes if necessary... and so every single morning, we get ready in 15 minutes.

ya know what's funny?

---> realizing how lame high school kids are when you're far gone from being a high schooler. the way they waltz around the mall still or gather in huddles at the movies. so many things i'd like to enlighten them with, but i'll wait. i'll wait and let them relish in what they think is a "cool" stage of life.

ya know what's funny?

---> that it's thursday. no, not funny. glorious. truly glorious.

it's also december. what the fuck. 

- emma

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