lady in the mirror

some time ago, i wrote an entry about the weird shit we say to ourselves in the mirror before a night out. don't lie - you know EXACTLY what i'm talking about. and if you're still adamant about lying, see that old post here and tell me it doesn't ring 10 bells in your head. the things humans do when mirrors are around never cease to amaze, disgust, confuse and humor me. i try my hardest to look at myself only in the morning to make sure there's nothing TOO out of place on my face, and limit the times i "check myself out" again throughout the day. it's just like... i've never been that girl who carries her makeup around with her, so even if i do see a new and odd development on my face at 2pm or if i realize i could use some more blush, there's really nothing i can do about it.

but all this got me thinking. girls look like grade-a psychos when they do their makeup. the faces we are able to contort in front of the mirror are almost terrifying. not only that, but everyone has a "mirror face." i've seen some doosies in my time, too. so ya know what i decided to do? take pictures of what i'm writing about right now.

 MAKEUP FACES

all women are natural magicians - they can simultaneously look hideous while becoming more beautiful all at once

let's get it started, shall we? (wine helps. always)

i honestly don't believe i, personally, have a "mirror" face. no one's ever called me out on it. however, if i had to guess, i'm sure it looks something like the above. look how candid that is. i'm even totally naturally grabbing my two fingers with my other hand. you can't get more candid than this.

first face: under eye concealer. this one MAAAAAY be a little exaggerated, but i don't doubt some of us really do look like this during this particular step.

blush cracks my shit up. i always smile. i have to - gotta get those "cheekbones." (notice quotation marks because i don't believe i have any sort of natural cheekbone). i can be in THE worst mood, but blush = smile. however, right after the blush portion is over it's back to this face:

 fuck blush and fuck my life is what this face says.

my absolute FAVORITE FACE of all time - the eyelash curler face. omg. i've tried thousands of times to look normal when curling my lashes - not possible. i don't know exactly why the mouth has to be gaped open, but it does. and it's hideous. hey boys, yeah you like these lashes? you'll be even more turned on by the face i made to get them.

another SLIGHTLY exaggerated face, but pretty accurate. usually, eyeliner time involves me always being upset because I STILL CAN'T GET IT RIGHT. learning how to do eyeliner was my ultimate feat in college, and i've never really had the steady hand for it. makes sense since i'm usually pretty bad at anything that involves my hands.

another weird open-mouth face when it comes to mascara. WHAT IS UP WITH OPEN MOUTH SHIT?

and lipstick time. i legit make pouty lip faces when i put lipstick on. it's funny because never do i ever pout my lips out on a normal basis when i have lipstick applied, but for whatever reason,i feel like i'm really getting the job done if i put it on like this. probably explains why i usually get some on my teeth initially.

ATTACK OF THE KILLER PERFUME! perfume face.

and now for those "mirror faces"

this is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE mirror face i've ever seen. yes, i've witnessed girls actually make this face and have no fucking idea they're doing it. it's so weird. it's like some involuntary thing for them. typically it's been when they're blow-drying their hair, but OMG. how could you make this face and NOT KNOW you're doing it?!!!?? they're probably lying about not realizing it. i feel bad for them because their wrinkles are gonna suuuuck.

bet you dollars people make this face, too. like "eh. all right. i'll take it. this is as good as it's gonna get." perhaps the frown isn't so deep, but i can't help that i make really legit frowny faces.

i totally make this expression when all's said and done. it's my "OMG HEY!" face. i guess i think that every time i go out in public, i'm gonna see someone unexpectedly and say "OMG HEY!" never happens.

this is the smug look. like "shit. i look good. look at me. damn. yes. all right. let's do this." i don't have TOO many of these faces happen, but when they do... i soak it up.

this one speaks for itself and is sort of how i felt last night. like, whatevs. fml. don't care. this wine is good. my mouth is red. i'm wearing green sweat pants. suck it.

have a joyous tuesday, everyone! and feel free to show off your best mirror face.

- emma

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