at this point in time...

for the record, i'd like to say that THE BEST holiday drink i've ever consumed is hot chocolate WITH MILK (not water) and peppermint schnapps. it's duh-licious, but will also wake you up at 1am and force you to clutch your pillow against your body and lay in the fetal position praying not to vomit for about an hour. WORTH IT. i do these posts a lot; i write about facts of life or things i've learned thus far in my young adulthood. but i do it because they are relevant and so many people my age (or not even my age) can relate and appreciate. i apologize in advance because my eyes are half open and i have to leave for work soon so i'm literally finger banging the keyboard as hard as i can to write this. but, without further adieu, here are some KEY ideas i've learned up until this point of my life.

1. not every girl is cut out to be friends with a gay guy

              don't get me wrong - i am. duh. however, not every girl is. you have to be a very certain type of person to befriend a gay man and REALLY befriend him the right way. it takes the perfect balance of indiviualism, but also clinginess. you also can't assume that every gay guy loves pink and everything girly - girls who do this are the most ignorant of the land. the coolest gay men are the ones who are soups gay but have zero tolerance for anything stereotypical associated with being gay. they bake cookies, but they don't cry. ever. you have to have a big personality, but be able to let him out shine you pretty much all the time. you also need to have the perfect blend of femininity but hardassness, too. OH AND the most important thing? you HAVE TO, HAVE TO a) not be bothered making fun of people and b) be really good at making fun of people. if you're not willing to get dirty and be a bitch with him, forget it.

2. you catch more flies with honey, but honestly after a while, the honey gets sticky and you get sick of it

                yeah, i know being nice and sweet and accepting and all that ish usually relates in you having more friends and your only enemies are people who don't understand how someone could be so sweet. but here's the deal, after a while, it gets old ESPECIALLY if you're not that type of person to begin with. the hard truth is that people suck. they come in all varying degrees of suckiness, too. no, not everyone is mean-spirited by nature, but i dare you to sit here and tell me that the sweetest person you know is also interesting, dynamic, mysterious and an all-around badass. this is completely my mindset and opinion, but really - i'd rather be described as sort of bitchy and dramatic than "nice." you know who's nice? well, according to my mom, pretty much any guy i've ever brought home: "he's a nice boy." "he's very nice." "what a nice person." EW. I'D RATHER HAVE "ARROGANT ASSHOLE" OVER "NICE" ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. all i'm saying is, being super duper nice gets old and doesn't get you far at the end of the day. which leads me to...

3. always be 110% yourself, because the truth is gonna come out eventually

              at the beginning of relationships, whether it be a friendship or romantical thing, people tend to hold back and choose words and outfits very wisely and with tact. i'm not denying i do the same shit. HOWEVS, you can only muffle your true-self for so long until he/she EXPLODES out of you, so why fake it? yeah, it's good to play coy and maybe not be so intense right out of the gate when you meet a really cool new girl you want to make your best friend or a pretty cute guy who you want to make out with, but if this friendship/whatevership is gonna last, you have to be able to TRULY be yourself. no holding back. yes, i am OCD, kinda bossy, talk loudly and make ruh-dick-you-luss facial expressions, but that's the fuggin truth so either deal with it or go away. if you just stay true to the insanity of your personality, you will a) find just as insane and GLORIOUS people who totally dig you and understand what you're all about and b) be able to see who could never handle you if they tried and are obviously not worth your precious, precious time. for real.

4. just because you have sex with a guy, doesn't make him your boyfriend

                yeah, i know. most of you are like "NO SHIT" or "duhhhh" or "what's sex?" but let me explain something: i don't DO that. yes, that. i'm not a "casual" gal, if you will. i'm selective. no need to elaborate on this point too much, but i had to learn #4 the hard way (pun maybe intended?) i came from a simpler time when consummation meant more (college) (for me, anyway). this real world shit is whacked out beyond my understanding.

5. cooking/baking always makes you feel better

             (sorry for the type on the picture - i just really loved it and had to use it regardless). listen up all you gals (and maybe guys) who don't do either of these things: YOU SHOULD. seriously, fucking around with food is the cheapest form of therapy besides talking to any of your friends who will listen to you. next time you're feeling low and literally have no idea what would make you happier, find a recipe, go buy the ingredients, put on some tunes you love, pour a glass of wine (be sure to set it far away from your cooking area though so you avoid peach cobbler with red wine) and get to it. it amazes me when people say things like "i'm a TERRIBLE cook." no, you mean you are terrible at following any sort of directions and measuring things into cups. making things from scratch isn't difficult. it's not like i fucking go into my kitchen and make gourmet pies with my own dough that i knead and shit. i find a recipe that looks delightful and i try it out! and, if it's halfway decent or GASP! maybe even GOOD, you'll be so proud of yourself. i just think being in the kitchen is therapeutic because you have to really concentrate on what you're doing and not let your mind be focused on any other bullshit floating around in that noggin of yours.

6. everyone's a hypocrite

        and i. mean. EVERYONE. i mean, do i really even have to write a full paragraph about this point? show me someone who hasn't said one thing and done another and i will give you 1,000 oreo cookies. you know why people do this? because, as i have stated in numerous other posts, people's perspectives on situations change by whether or not they're the ones dealing with the situation or an outsider looking in. i've had friends tell me to my face how THEY'D handle something, then when they're actually experiencing the same situation, they do the opposite of what they said they'd do. I have told people that i don't like something, someone, whatever, and acted completely differently 12 seconds later. it happens. we are creatures of idiocy and also of strong and ever-fluctuating opinions. it just is what it is. you cannot hold it against someone if they're a hypocrite. if you do, you're the worst of them all!

7. it's okay to say "no," but it's also okay to "yes"

             what a conundrum, right? eh, not really. i just feel at this ripe age, you are totally allowed to say nay or yay and it doesn't matter. they say when you're single, you should say YES to everything. YES i want to go to lunch. YES i want to go on a terrible date. YES i want to bungee jump. but, i'm giving you permission to also say NO just as much. NO i don't feel like going out tonight. NO i don't want to workout, i want to be fat and lazy. NO i will not make out with you (yes, i will. just not right now). i think the healthiest thing is a balance of the two. know yourself and know what you truly would like to experience and say YES to, and what you're only saying YES to because you feel obligated or that you'll be considered a loser or "lame" if you say NO. it's lamer to fake a YES, trust me.

that's all i got for today, kids. time to get ready for work in 15 minutes flat - my specialty.

happy everything,

- emma

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