the year i turn 25

by the time you read this post, i'll be 25. unlike a lot of people of this age, i'm not scared. i'm not upset. i'm not depressed. sure, i can't eat pizza anymore without seeing immediate changes WHILE chewing. but you know what i CAN do? rent a car. and feel smarter than anyone younger than me. trade-offs, folks.

i've had a lot of birthdays (25 to be exact) and i'm not gonna NOT be honest... they haven't all been super dandy. some years, i think birthdays are overrated and other years i expect everyone to celebrate across the nation that i was brought into this world.

for my first ever birthday party upon moving to dallas, i was around 11. my mom had the nifty idea of doing a girl's hairstyling party, complete with lollipops and cake. allow me to paint a mental image for you: i had chopped all my hair off at this age. i'm talking short, like a pixie cut. pixie cuts don't translate well at 11-years-old, so it was awkward and boys didn't understand. my hair was so short, in fact, that for this hairstyling soirée, all the stylist could do for me was to braid a small chunk of it into a skinny, tiny braid and tuck it behind my ear. OH THE GLAMOUR! i also was wearing jorts and tennis shoes at this party, so.

for my 16th birthday, my boyfriend at the time did the nicest thing that any boyfriend has ever done for me on a birthday TO DATE (fucking sad, right?). he did the whole sprinkling of rose petals from my hallway down to my bedroom and had a MIX CD (the BEST) playing as i entered the room and there lay...... a massively shiny flower necklace from urban outfitters i had so wanted. the joy. the rapture. oh and for this birthday, i saw jerry seinfeld's live stand-up SOOOOO. it was a winner. OH and i got to drive. that, too.

my 18th birthday was sad. i was grounded for having people over to drink (which i wrote about here a while back). i'm still in shock that my parents LITERALLY didn't let me do anything for my goddamn 18th birthday. the horror. i mean, i wore a pretty dress to school and had acne on my forehead BUT WHAT ABOUT SOCIALIZING? the dress and acne weren't enough!

my 19th birthday SUCKED DICK. it makes me mad just thinking about it. i mean here i am, turning 19. single. in college. dressed up in this black dress i thought was sexy but looking back was matronly. wearing red lips for the first time in public. and the fucking most popular bar in college DENIES my fake ID, but accepts all my other friends' and guess what? THEY GO INTO THE BAR AND PARTY WITHOUT ME . on MY birthday. flaming bitches, right? i was so upset. i think i cried. scratch that - i DEFINITELY cried. i felt so abandoned, just me and my cutebutnotreallycute black dress and red lips.

my 21st birthday was actually surprisingly great. i got the perfect amount of drunk and successfully faked taking my 21 shots. BITCH GET REAL. if i EVER took that many shots, i wouldn't be here right now writing this. i'd be a vegetable in hospital or dead. this was me at midnight on my 21st:

yeah. i was wearing blue tights - SO??? say something about it. oh wait YOU CAN'T because colored tights are in now! weird. guess i'm just THAT fashion forward.

but for real. the BEST birthday i've had to date (remember, i am writing this tuesday night... my birthday is wednesday... i post on thursday...), was last year. my 24th. not a special number by any means. nothing super monumental about this year of life. however, i got the BEST surprise ever and i love surprises. i don't mean being snuck up on - i will punch you. i mean true surprises. and last year, during my outdoor, all-day birthday party my friends threw for me, my best friend secretly drove from oklahoma to surprise me. this is me attacking her:

i had NO idea she was going to be there (i had JUST seen her the weekend before) and completely lost my shit. i mean, SCREAMING at the top of my lungs and crying, lost my shit. it was the coolest thing that's ever happened to me on my birthday and will be incredibly hard to top. oh and the best part of the entire thing? she ended up getting a job with the company i currently work for and moving here. yeah. best birthday EVER.

this year, the year i turn 25, i can only hope for a few things:

a new alarm clock because mine's broken and has been for a while

an almost unreal state of no drama in my life

to somehow fall into a pool of money so i can finally actually be able to afford all the things i already buy anyway because i'm irresponsible

my friends still being my friends by next year... but only the ones i really care about

happiness, laughter, a dog and orgasms.

is that so much to ask for?


- emma

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