drunk blog, volume 2
this is my second attempt at a drunk blog. my first attempt, i got too drunk and was barely able to write more than three sentences (seen here). BUT THIS TIME, i devised a more well thought out plan... or so i thought. instead of trying to do this on my own, i had one of my best guy friends log everything that came out of my mouth once my drunkness set in. he wrote down "sound bites" if you will while i, the dedicated writer i am, sacrificed my liver, my dignity and overall health for this post.
and, no worries. i started pre-gaming with wine during my shower to ensure things moved along quickly.
these are the phrases he captured in the order they happened. don't judge me. it was the wine. and the jameson:
"we deserve someone special because, seriously, we're AWESOME. like look at us."
"this is important."
"what's going on?"
"seriously, though. most people suck so bad."
"listen. we HAVE to take shots of jameson. i have lemons. we can suck on them."
"it was a dirty orgasm, because i knew i shouldn’t have been doing it or having one."
"ugh, i'm so upset."
<proceeds to play “lick my cockiness, suck my persuasion” by Rihanna. adds “suck on my clit, it looks asian” to the lyrics>
"my house can suck my dick."
<at this point, Emma makes me take a shot of jameson. i am not happy about this but i comply>
she sings "suck my cockiness, lick my persuasion" and repeats it at least six times.
"look at you. you look so mexican."
"I WANNA TAKE ANOTHER SHOT"
"i really wanna take 8 more shots."
<sings "i love it i love it i love it when you eat it"<maniacal laughter and weird country dance>
<emma proceeds to laugh at everything i say. which is awesome>
<she begins talking about pussy in an Australian accent>
"suck my dick"
"my sister tried to tell me 'don’t be a Lena, be a Jessa.' but i'm not wired like that, i care too much. i make out and it's like the best thing in the whole world. fuck my dick."
"you and i really are Jerry and Elaine. like to a T.we're gonna end up in jail together someday."
at this point in time, my friend snapped this picture.
then, i took over the keyboard (NONE OF THIS WAS EDITED, YOU'RE WELCOME).
yall stop. he doesn’t even know what hes talking abut the thing is, I all I wann do I smake out. Like not with him. Well, maube. But not. But like cme on. Yu aknow???? Ano jose I am NOT WASTED. Hbo is plaigns ome srto of promo right now. Athever. I waotn acer. I just wanna maoeut so mhard with eveyrne and drink wine. he just adsked me if im typing random letters but im nit. I just a fast enough tyer. Or osmtihg. DKFSJDKFLJASKFLJASF YALL1
!!!!!!!!!!! id dyou yall kow htt seriously when I first moved to etecas I was like im NEVER gonna say yall. And nw??? I say it LAL THE TIME.
again, please don't judge me.