top moments of my 2012
another year has gone by. an entire YEAR. how does this shit happen? what IS time? where does it go? who determined it? no, no. let's not go there and say we didn't. before i dive into this post, i wanted to quickly announce an epiphany i had over the past month: my blog is super unfocused and i'm tired of it. i've tried all different angles on here from cooking posts to advice posts, and this is what i've decided - i'm a 20something female writing about all the 20something things most other 20somethings think and feel but are too scared or dense to voice themselves. essentially, i am making an oath to you to be your go-to 20something for all 20something related everythings.
now, with that out of the way, i wanted to take a stroll back down my 2012 lane and recount the certain memories that more or less were responsible for shaping my year in its entirety. care to join?
here are my top moments. notice, i didn't say GREATEST moments. i said moments.
2012 moment 1:
- finding out how to be single. this is sort of a continuous moment. the initial part of it definitely took a while. there were some ex-boyfriend relapse moments, confusion and a few crying breakdowns over sex scenes in movies. i struggled quite a bit during the past year to find my peace with being "alone." romantically alone. i think that's what we singletons need to keep reminding ourselves of - when a single person says they're alone, they are very quick to shove every type of alone under that umbrella. but really, they're only romantically alone. sexually alone. love alone. it's not like they don't have friends, family, a job, maybe even a dog. in short, single people are dramatic assholes when it comes to the word "alone," me included. however, once i finally accepted this type of alone and became decently comfortable with it, i realized - guys suck and who needs them anyway except for maybe twice a year and for very brief amounts of time? more than that, though, this quote from GIRLS on HBO is honestly the most heartfelt, honest-to-God, couldn't be anymore accurate train of thought when it comes to being single and in your 20s:
which brings me to my next moment...
2012 moment 2:
- the single most insane, immature, out of control break-up i've ever had the absolute displeasure of going through over taking a dog to the vet. have you ever been dumped via being defriended on facebook? well, now at 25-years-old, i can say i have. and the best part was this sole line from the dude himself:
"i defriended you just to piss you off, not to break up with you. what are we? 12??"
i fully believe that if i were to write that line into a spec script and send it off to some primetime sitcom, i'd have a writing job in the bag. maybe that's why i had to date this guy in the first place - for that line alone. i've dated some serious assholes in my day, but nothing can compare to the super nice guy who turns out to have one of the meanest, nastiest streaks around. he validated several dating cliches for me:
1) it really DOES take a good three months to really know someone and no one should really be completely trusted until you've hit that mark.
2) they say you can tell a lot about a person by how they fight and THEY ARE RIGHT. if you are walked out on not once but almost three times during arguments, told to "build a bridge and get over it" in a completely serious tone over a lovely dinner you cooked for him, and have your phone rummaged through one drunken night where he went as far as taking screenshots of private conversations he found to review later... WHAT ARE YOU DOING (WHAT WAS I DOING?)?
3) if your sex drive is 10x more intense than him just a few months in and you're already down to having sex once a week... just cut and run. you'll save yourself a lot of time and wasted sexual energy.
i can't really explain why i stuck around until the crazy REALLY hit the fan. i guess all i can think of is that i liked him. he liked me. it was the first time in a year that i had found someone worth looking at twice and calling a boyfriend and, well, it was fun. until it turned not fun and reiterated how much harder it'll be for the next guy to win a "boyfriend" title if at all.
this is my "please forgive me for being so dumb" face:
2012 moment 3:
- enduring my stomach bacteria. it wasn't until i was curled up in a ball on a conference room floor at work that i realized "hey. maybe i should go to the hospital?" i ended up having a (of course) usually completely asymptomatic stomach bacteria that was ruining almost every day for me. looking back, it makes me laugh because i tried to self-diagnose: "i bet it's too much fiber." "i eat too many carrots." "it's the food from the work cafeteria. I KNOW IT." no, emma. it was a bacteria that was eating you alive, silly girl. i'm never ailed with the common cold or flu, no. it's always something bizarre. however, because i was prohibited from drinking any alcohol and was only able to eat rice and chicken, i lost a good amount of weight, which was splendid. and then i put all the weight back on. which wasn't so splendid. but that brief moment of life where i was at my thinnest in years was enough to make my bacteria a "moment" for 2012.
2012 moment 4:
- my best friend getting engaged. cliche, i know. but it's true. this girl and her BF had been dating for seven years, so it was a waiting game at its finest. and, of course, her boyfriend calls me that saturday afternoon while i am completely inebriated at a pool party to let me know he's proposing TONIGHT. i cried tears of pure alcohol, pulled an irish good-bye on said pool party and ran home to sober up for this monumental event. being apart of something so big and so full of love was one of the best parts of my summer. then i was asked to be her maid of honor and you KNOW that sent me reeling with joy. the way she asked was a moment in itself:
2012 moment 5:
- in quite the polar opposite fashion of #4, my other best friend breaking up with her boyfriend. or, really, him breaking up with her if you want to be technical about it. of course, this wasn't something that happened directly to me, however, it was something that affected me directly. i've only had one very serious, earth-shattering heartbreak in my life, and seeing one of my closest friends go through it brought back all those horrific memories in one, big tidal wave of emotion. i was told when i was a teenager that my intense empathy toward others would negatively effect me in my older age, but i have to disagree. i believe that being able to feel and relate to exactly what your friends are going through so much to the point where it can ruin YOUR day, only makes for closer, better relationships. and trust me when i say, seeing this friend literally deteriorate before my eyes with unforgiving weight loss, crying episodes and angry lash outs brought us the closest we've maybe ever been. sometimes it takes a true devastation to rip the blanket off your eyes and show you what you were putting up with, what you won't put up with anymore and who was there for you the entire time and was waiting to be there for you even longer.
2012 moment 6:
- getting my dog, Cece.
i've always been a dog person, i just had never owned my own. so, finally, after the aforementioned most recent breakup in my life, i decided "fuck this. i'm getting a dog. i'll just marry it." since Cece has come into my life, i have stopped focusing so much on silly, pointless things that i used to let upset me so deeply. "i only made it to the gym 3 times this week, ugh" has turned into "i can't remember the last time i worked out and I DON'T GIVE A SHIT." i'm the baby of my family and i don't think i'm too awful of a person, so that combination has, at times, created a selfish monster out of me. with this dogchild now in my life, i am learning everyday how to become more selfless and put her needs first. i'm also gaining understanding of what true, unconditional love is between a dog and an owner which i believe will prove to be irreplaceable and majestic. most importantly, though, she serves as the greatest excuse ever to stay in when i don't feel like going out and she gives me a ton of puppy kisses. so.
those are my moments, y'all. in a nutshell. for the coming year, all i can hope for are more chances to figure it all out. to learn myself even better, FINALLY pursue a career i know i'm destined for and be content with it all. the 20s are rough - love, job, money, friends, family - all of it can be stressful and make you feel lost even when you're surrounded. i think that's why i write what i do - so my pretty much entirely female, 20something audience can know we're ALL going through this crap together, even when we're separated. having anxiety attacks doesn't make you insane - it makes you normal and aware. wanting to be married one day and single the next doesn't make you fickle - it makes you thoughtful and in need of more time to figure out what you truly want deep down. questioning everything and anything doesn't make you paranoid and neurotic - it makes you a human. a curious, inquisitive, interesting human.
keep on keepin' on and so will i.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!