Life Advice, Love, Emma.

20something this, 20something that. I'm aware that being in my 20s and bitching about it is the main thrust of my blog, and that it most likely can get annoying for non-20somethings to read about or stumble upon by accident. "She's complaining again?" the old folks say. "Get over yourself. Everyone has to go through shit," mumble the curmudgeons. But ya know what? I find a twisted beauty and comfort in complaining about the awkwardness, confusion, and upset that occurs on an almost daily basis during this decade of life. I mean, hey! If it can only go up from here, why not whine about it all the way to the top? For today's "advice" post, I found a list of 11 questions every 20something should ask themselves. My first instinct was to be a complete sarcastic assface when answering these, but instead, I'm just gonna go into this set of queries with no plan in mind other than just being me.

1. Do the people I’m surrounded by bring me life?

Actually, this is a seriously very important question to ask oneself pretty soon into your young adulthood. Once you're out of college and the blanket of cheap beer and late night pizza is pulled drastically from your eyes, it's time to assess your friendships. A lot of people, for fear of being "alone" or with minimal friends, ignore every speckle of drama, every backhanded compliment, and every passive aggressive bout of anger their friends pull on them. As I've written countless times before, it's at this very juncture in my life that I have realized there is no competition when it comes to quality over quantity and that a lot of people (if not most people) tend to suck. Think of how hard it is to find someone to entertain romantically in your life - well, it's just as hard to find high quality human beings to call "friend." If anyone you consider a "friend" brings you down, puts you down, has done you wrong, probably would do you wrong if they had the chance, has more issues than vogue or is just an all-around shitty human who makes you question yourself as a human, get. rid.

2. Who inspires me the most?

This question. This question right here, to me, really only solicits shallow-ish or ignorant answers. Because, quite frankly, I feel most of the time it's not WHO inspires you - it's WHAT. I can be inspired by the perfect cup of coffee or a really great outfit I somehow threw together, but staring at a painting some modernist artist concocted only inspires me to scratch my butt and think about what I want for lunch. Some days, I just wake up bubbling over with inspiration for no apparent reason. Other days, I feel like I could meet Mindy Kaling and I still wouldn't be inspired enough to go home and write a blog post (HAHA YEAH RIGHT. I WOULD WRITE 10 BLOG POSTS, POST ABOUT IT 16 TIMES ON FACEBOOK, AND TAKE 1028234973 PICTURES FOR INSTAGRAM OMG). Sometimes, I watch Lord of the Rings and am inspired to order pizza and treat myself to a night of fat fun. All different situations for all different inspirations, ya dig?

emma's thing

3. What are my favorite stories?

The first time I ever got high and drunk at the same time while in Austin, TX at age 16 and mentally snapped for about 8 months afterwards. The time I pooped my pants a little in front of a boyfriend. The time I walked a mile home, completely drunk, on St Patty's day, in Dallas, and ordered a pizza midway so it was set to arrive by the time I walked up to my apartment. The time with every guy I've dated, ever. Every day can have a story - and I truly believe that, as cheesy as it sounds. A story can be anything - it's just the way you tell it.

4. Would I want to live with me?

UM FUCK YES I WOULD. I'm sorry. Who is so clean? Who loves to cook and bake? Who makes fresh coffee every morning? Who has a perfect dog? Who is anal about the PUR water pitcher being consistently full? Who is obsessed with tidiness? Who will stab you in both eyes if you leave anything messy or unorderly? Oh wait... I mean, whatever. I have rules, but I'm fun. I'm nice. Who am I kidding. Go away - unless you're a man I'm supposed to marry, then we can be roommates.

5. Do I love from my insecurities or do I love from my strengths?

This question made me cock my head side-to-side like my dog does when I'm asking her "what? what? WHAT?" So it had to be googled: "Loving from your insecurities demands from others. Loving from your strengths gives to them. Loving out of your insecurities means you don't want to see people succeed more  than you. Loving from your strengths means you are the first to celebrate with other when you hear of their successes." So, basically, are you a bitter wench who is all 'misery enjoys company' and gets kelly green with envy upon hearing of others accomplishments and happy lives OR are you  a good-hearted, confident individual who recognizes her own strengths and her own weaknesses and isn't going to get all butt hurt if your friend who is more talented than you are at something excels in that something and you don't. Example: I'm a writer. My friend isn't. If I were to get a book deal (pleasebabyjesushearmyprayers) and she got upset, that would be loving me from her insecurities - also, she would be a bitch. The logical reaction is OMG YOU HAVE A BOOK DEAL AND I DON'T BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE I'M NOT EVEN A WRITER! So, to answer the question, I think I used to love a small bit from insecurities - I used to compare way more and kill myself over it. But then, one day, I woke up and realized (like I always say): most people suck. The ones who I've surrounded myself with don't. I should be happy for them even when I'm not happy myself and that's that.

emma's thing

6. Where am I ripe with talent and where do I quickly deflate?

I'm ripe with writing talent and it's where I most quickly deflate. Ain't that a catch-22 of sorts?!?

7. What are my favorite hobbies/things I do for fun, and are they something I can leverage into a career or product?

Well. How does one leverage eating, drinking, and shopping into a career or product? "Uh, yeah. I'm actually a professional eatdrinshopper. It's a new development initiative out of Japan. We don't have a main office yet, so I work out of home just eating. And drinking. And shopping. Want a keychain?" I write and that's a great outlet. But when it comes down to having serious fun, set me up with a bowl of queso and chips, a table full of craft beers and deliciously shaken (not stirred) whiskey drinks, my besties, and tell me it's 40% off and no shipping costs on my favorite websites... and IMMA HAVE ME A BALL. Sigh.

8. What’s the main thing holding me back?

Eating, drinking, and shopping. Also, fear of not being able to seriously impress Mindy Kaling or Tina Fey in person with my ideas and eyebrow raises.

emma's thing

9. What are my negotiables and non-negotiables?

I don't do serial killers. I don't do druggies. I will never sit down and watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother with you. If you don't like Seinfeld, I won't ever fully trust your humor. You must be able to ejaculate (males only). You must never have muttered the phrase, "All my best friends are guys." (females only). If you don't cuss, you're not a real human being and probably need to see someone about that. But, seriously. I'm not gonna sit here and list this stuff out for real. I don't know you guys well enough. But, for the record, everything I just said is legit.

10. What breaks my heart?

How beautiful my dog is. When my friends have been hurt or are going through rough times. Thinking about my parents getting older. That Seinfeld has been over for 20 years and I'm still not over it. Super young marriages that involve two people who have yet to really live or experience the nitty gritty reality of "real life" and are bound to fail from the get-go. How we make ourselves so vulnerable and get so excited at the smallest glimmering of spark or connection with the opposite sex, only to discover it's not gonna work out for whatever reason and we are back at square one for the upteenth time - but ya know what? That breaks my heart in a weird, happy way. Resilience, y'all. It's the name of the game.

11. At 29 years and 364 days, if I have accomplished just one thing, what do I want it to be?

To have gotten the attention of someone who matters, a lot (totes vague. So ambiguous. Take it how you want). Also, it would be nice to fully understand how health insurance works by age 30.

Do yourself a favor and take some time to answer these questions, either mentally or not mentally. Sometimes (a lot of the time), it's trying and scary to allow yourself to think about the real stuff - the stuff that hurts. The tough stuff. Not many people can be totally honest with themselves, but the way I see it - you only have one life. So why not just own up to who you are and what you stand for and GET IT, GURL?