24 Things Girls Do Because We're Girls
Girls are mysterious creatures. And by mysterious I mean insane. And by insane I mean endearingly weird. And by endearingly weird I mean fucking crazy. A lot of things happen in a girl's mind throughout the day, most of which she can only tell her bestest of friends and even then...
For instance, I have been eerily and weirdly obsessed with Nirvana/Kurt Cobain the past two weeks. Ever since I saw his biographical documentary, "Montage of Heck" on HBO, I've been entranced. I had never given a second thought to Kurt more than "oh yeah. The guy who killed himself and was married to Courtney Love." Now? Ask me anything, I probably know the answer. I cannot explain this obsession, but it's all I've talked about for the last three days. Like I said — girls are fucking weird. I didn't know I had it in me to revert to my teenage heart throb days, but I'm sort of glad I do? I also didn't know I had it in me to find a dead music icon so sexually appealing, junkie lifestyle and all. Yikes. What's wrong with me???
That's just one, very long-winded, pointless and not very relatable example of the oddities of girls. But try these on for size and tell me they don't make you go "Yep."
Try on swimsuits when we're already in a terrible mood, become sufficiently depressed, and almost immediately treat our wounds by buying things we know will fit (i.e. nail polish, books, body wash, throw pillows).
Stalk you before we meet you. Not just boys, but girls, too. I had a new friend at work admit to me this week that she looked at me before I started here and said "Oh. She's pretty." To which I replied "Thank you." And wish so badly she would've said, "So you agree? You think you're really pretty."
Buy, all at once, three different bags to choose from or the same clothing item in three different sizes because online shopping is easier and I'll just return that shit the second I decide on what works and what doesn't. It's efficient.
Insist on talking to our girlfriends throughout the day on gchat about absolutely nothing. Maybe once every two months, one of you will have something actually kind of important to say. Like a dramatic situation you're in that you only have time to discuss online during the day since life is too busy with work and do you have any meetings coming up? Because I need your full attention. But usually, it's some of the most pointless shit and fake LOLs you will ever witness.
Make up brilliant dance routines in our heads when listening to Beyoncé and believe that we can actually maybe pull it off for real.
Applaud ourselves the hardest for making healthy food choices, and reward ourselves in the same breath with three Tiff's Treats (true story, happened yesterday at my own desk).
Love the shit out of our curves one day, and consider taking a butcher's knife to them the next.
I don't personally do this, but hold back compliments on purpose. Why? Fuck you, tell me I'm pretty if you think so. Tell me my skirt is awesome. Tell me you love my lipstick. What do you gain out of not making someone else feel good for a split second today? It actually makes you look cooler and more confident.
Find every possible instance in our own, daily lives that resemble a Rom-Com and build on it.
Wrestle with our love of craft beer but take pride in consuming less calories via vodka.
Perform a nightly body investigation in our bathroom mirror, carefully going over various parts of us and picking them apart (both literally and figuratively).
Complain endlessly about the one huge zit we have this week, but secretly look forward to popping it.
Still get butterflies or have vagina cartwheels over awesome make out and sex scenes in movies and television shows... and books :D
Get irrationally sad about the short shelf-life of a great Instagram photo and how quickly it's liked and forgotten. And how we can't help but post five more on top of it in the following days, burying it even further in our feed (or is that just me?).
Just like guys watch "The Bourne Identity" every single time it's on, we'll cry at "Moulin Rouge" every time, laugh at "Bridget Jones" every time, and recite every one-liner of "Mean Girls" every. damn. time.
Judge another girl by her ability to recite "Mean Girls" accurately and with the appropriate cadence.
Want to punch our boyfriends in the face when they casually eat pizza or pound a few IPAs on a weeknight. But then we want to thank them through PMS-induced tears for loving us and putting up with us and feeding that pizza to us because, they're right — we do deserve it and we are so hard on ourselves.
Feel complete and like they can take on the world when it's 11am on a Saturday and you've already worked out and rewarded yourself with a skinny ICED vanilla latte. It's like, COME AT ME, WORLD. COME AT ME.
Can find out anything about anybody with any device at any time. Never underestimate our ability to snoop and stalk.
Loooove working out together and refuse to go alone (not all of us, just some).
Order dressing on the side because we feel we have to even if we end up drenching the entire thing anyway.
Try so hard to not be basic, but are.
Try so hard to not get excited over rainbow sprinkles on froyo or tiny strawberry decals on a shirt, but lose it every time.
Give each other such a hard time with criticism, but don't get that we're all way more similar than we think we are.