If You Give A Girl A Glass of Wine...
If you give a girl a glass of wine, she's gonna want another.
And if you give her another, she's gonna want a third.
And if she wants a third, you're going to have to listen to her debate out loud about whether or not she should have a third.
And if she decides to have a third, you're gonna end up staying later than you thought.
And if you stay later than you thought, she's gonna get hungry.
And if she gets hungry, she's going to want pizza. So bad.
And if she wants pizza, you're going to have to listen to her debate out loud about how she'll feel sooooo fat if she orders it, but how badly she wants it.
And if she decides to order it, she's going to eat two slices.
And if she eats two slices, she's most definitely going to want three.
And if she has three, she's going to blame you for letting her order this in the first place.
And if she blames you for the pizza, she's going to force you to eat the same amount as her.
And if you eat the same amount as her, she won't feel as badly about herself.
And if she doesn't feel as badly about herself, she'll consider you a true friend.
And if she considers you a true friend, she'll tell you all her secrets.
And if she tells you all her secrets, you'll realize she doesn't really have many besides the fact that she has fantasized about some weirdo celebrity before and sometimes doesn't shower for days on end.
And if you question why she doesn't shower for days on end, she'll tell you it's because she doesn't want to have to wash her hair EVERY TIME she works out (which is at least three times a week, if not four-five).
And if she talks about working out, she'll start to feel disgusting because of the pizza.
And if she starts to feel disgusting about the pizza, she'll promise herself to go harder at the gym tomorrow.
And if she goes harder at the gym tomorrow, she'll fret about it all day.
And if she frets about it all day, she'll text you about it all day.
And if she texts you about it all day, it'll be stuff like "Ugggghhhh, I DON'T wanna go." "I'm so tired from last night's wine. I just hope I get more energy soon." "Is it so bad to miss ONE day?" "Is 3 slices of pizza and missing a day at the gym gonna ruin me?"
And if she sends you these kinds of texts, she'll expect you to be the true friend she thinks you are.
And if you're the true friend she thinks you are, you'll guilt trip her about the gym in a subtle yet effective way.
And if you guilt trip her in a subtle yet effective way, she'll end up going to the gym.
And if she ends up going to the gym, she'll spend half the time texting you about it.
And if she spends half the time texting you about it, you'll gently have to remind her she's at the gym and needs to focus.
And if you have to gently remind her, she'll resent you for a split second before realizing you're right.
And if she realizes you're right, she'll buckle down and do werk.
And if she does werk, she'll be so glad she went to the gym.
And if she's so glad she went to the gym, she'll love you even more than she already did for making her go to the gym.
And if she loves you even more than she already did, she'll invite you over again that night or the next for another wine night.
And if she invites you over for another wine night, you'll obviously go because you love her.
And if you obviously go, you guys will split a bottle of wine she bought because she loved the design on the label.
And if you split a bottle of wine, that means she'll have a sizable glass.
And if she has a sizable glass, she's gonna want another.
And if she wants another, you'll pour her another.
And if you pour her another, she's gonna want a third.
And if she wants a third, the cycle starts all over again.
And if the cycle starts all over again, godspeed.