There Are 48 Types Of People In The World
I've only posted this sort of piece a few times, because it's the kind of post you've gotta really save up material for. These lists come from pure observation and everyday, seemingly passing thoughts that actually hold within them goldmines of conversation starters and comedic genius. People are complex yet pretty stupid, so it's fun to break them down into simple terms. So, without further adieu:
There are two types of people in the world...
Those whose phones are attached to their hip and those who are still in denial that their cell phones control their lives and it's like, just fucking give in already. You're making us all uncomfortable. Were you homeschooled?
Those who love dick jokes and those who have probably never masturbated.
Those who love Andy Dwyer and those who love Chris Pratt.
Those who get chicken at Chipotle and cool people.
Those who clean off drippings from a condiment bottle at home and those who just let it cake on top of itself without a second thought.
Those who can still day drink like champs and those who are over the age of 25.
Those who get to the airport with just enough time to get through security and board and losers who just have literal hours to burn inside the airport? No one cares that you got there two hours early. It's weird. You're weird.
Those who eat dinner as soon as they get home from work and those who finally sit down to a meal at 9pm.
Those who would rather park 10 miles away from a bar or restaurant than valet and those who can set their pride aside and get the fuck over themselves.
Those who sing "Focus, fire a gun" and those who know the correct lyrics are "Blow a kiss, fire a gun" (I'm the former).
Those who are sexually-informed humans who understand maybe 2% of all females orgasm solely from penetration alone and those who were never taught or told or have only ever watched porn or slept with girls who don't speak up/fake it constantly and like to make you feel abnormal for it (a fully blown-out post on this to cum ((lololol))).
Those who genuinely love Taylor Swift and those who hate themselves so much for how much they secretly love her.
Those who drink alcohol at brunch and those who what the fuck are you even doing? What's the point? Go home — you're not wanted here.
Those who obsess over Justin Timberlake's Instagram posts and those who are so annoyed that he posts, like, twice a year and we're expected to cream over it when he does? You've lost my interest, SIR.
Those who gchat and those who are worthless to you and the rest of society.
Those who actually give money or food to homeless people and those who are just way too cynical and reserve their bleeding heart for family and friends only.
Those who always order appetizers at a restaurant and those who always want to, but just don't see the point in filling up before the main event. But, fuck, they want that calamari/spinach&artichoke dip/cheese board so bad they can taste them all and get very sad when other, smarter tables order them.
Those who can't keep any sort of chip in the house and those who have concerning self control.
Those who treat their car like a trash receptacle and normal, conscientious, decent humans.
Those who have watched "Narcos" in its entirety and fully realize the genius and magic of the show and those who are just trying to piss you off.
Those girls who shower infrequently and those girls who try and act like not showering all the time is fucking weird. SORRY YOU'RE SOOOOO MUCH CLEANER THAN ME. SORRY I DON'T ALWAYS SMELL LIKE HERBAL ESSENCES, BUT I COULD TAKE YOU DOWN IN A WHORE'S BATH SMELL-OFF. TRUST.
Those who say the "I've gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind" song sucks and those who know they can't lie to themselves.
Those who say size doesn't matter and those who have been with a size that has made you realize how much it actually does matter.
Those who say they aren't looking for anything serious right now and those who really aren't looking for anything serious right now.