13 Things That Are Better To Catch Than Feelings

There are endless things that are better to catch than feelings. Here are a few:

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A football/baseball/any other type of sporting ball... because at least that means your hand-eye coordination is intact and you can impress girls and guys alike with your sweet ball skillz.

A cold or the flu... because at least people will feel sorry for you and there's medicine to help flush it out of your system and kind friends who will baby you and bring you chicken noodle soup and it's the most solid excuse to call in sick and stay at home feeling sorry for yourself.

Wind that someone's talking mad trash on you... because at least you're an interesting enough person that people don't like you enough to talk shit on you rather than remaining indifferent. Indifference is lame.

A STD... because, although shitty, at least it means you were getting it in albeit unsafely. Throw some rubber on that hoe or at least get yourself checked out. Damn. 

Some D... because when is catching some D not awesome? I guess when it's a micro D or a skinny D or an uncircumcised D — none of those D's are awesome.

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A runaway or lost pet... because I can't even imagine the feeling of relief that would wash over you in that situation. I'm sure it's close to how a heroine high feels. Maybe. I have no idea.

A burglar... how dope would that be? To legitimately CATCH someone robbing your home? Like "NOT TODAY, SIR OR MADAME ::pew pew::" That was you shooting a gun, assuming you own one. Just don't try and combat robbers with a butcher knife would be my main advice to you.

A predator... because then you'd be on the show and that would be cool but also creepy I guess.

A firefly or lightening bug (whichever you prefer to call it)... because yeah, maybe it's childish to catch a bug in a jar, but it's also magical in its own right.

A re-run of your favorite TV show... like "Seinfeld" or "Everybody Loves Raymond." Gotta love that syndicated ish!

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Someone cheating on you... I mean, yeah it'd be terrible but also so empowering? To be like "CAUGHT, BITCH. TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT."

Your friend catching feelings... OH SHIT, RIGHT? But for real. Do you know how appreciative your friend would be if you caught him/her in the middle of catching feelings? You could be like "WHOA. Bruh. You catching feelings? STOP YOURSELF. So glad I was able to step in and help you help yourself."

Yourself catching feelings... META AF. If you can catch yourself before the feelings do, what can't you accomplish?

xox,

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