24 Of The Worst Things Ever
When you forget to wear your Fitbit during a workout. It's like, what's the point? Why even bother carrying on for the day? That didn't count so nothing else really matters. When this happens, I just leave my Fitbit at home the rest of the day because it means nothing to me anymore. Nothing does. When people in the right lane AREN'T. TURNING. RIGHT. Since the beginning of whenever there were road rules, 9 times out of 10, the right lane is a lane in which you can turn right from on red. Why are you here if you're not turning? To ruin my day? Congrats — you did it.
When you always seem to grab the wrong one. I'm talking anything — lipstick, utensil, white t-shirt. It doesn't matter what you're going for, you can never seem to get it right the first time and almost always have to audibly sigh, put it back, and grab the right one. It's just so damn tedious.
When you think you're being super productive by running a load of dishes while you shower until you step into the shower and realize your hot water is being compromised and it's entirely your fault.
When you've been using whey-based protein powder in breakfast smoothies and undergoing extreme stomach pain almost every time you do but think maybe it's just a coincidence until you realize whey sucks. NO MORE WHEY JOSÉ.
When you think you've finally gotten ALL your laundry done, every piece not only washed but dried and put away, only to remember you fluffed your jeans and still have those to hang up. SIGH. IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
When you're in the zone with Pandora radio and it starts buffering mid-workout BECAUSE LA FITNESS IS CHEAP AND WON'T GET FUCKING WIFI.
When you ask for poached eggs, and the waiter is all, "Our kitchen isn't set up for that." Sorry. What? Your kitchen what? Your kitchen doesn't have a pot, water, vinegar, and eggs? I don't?
When you don't have ONE meeting scheduled for the day, but then one comes through and it's not very long or even a big deal... but still. BUT STILL.
When you step out of the shower and immediately have to poo.
When you go to the bathroom at work and leave your phone at your desk, thinking it's going to be pretty routine but it takes an ugly turn and you have nothing to entertain yourself with so you just tap your Fitbit 100 times or count the beads on your bracelet to pass the time.
When no one on the group text responds to you, so you just go ahead and assume they CLEARLY have a completely separate OTHER group text in which they conspire to not write you back and see how sweaty you get.
When you complete a killer grocery trip for the week, only to watch in horror as your once-empty schedule fills up with dining invitations you can't say no to making you a produce killer. You kill produce for no rhyme or reason besides your own, selfish needs to be social and dine out.
When you get even the smallest splash of something on new shoes. It's like might as well just throw them away and start over, amiright? Don't try to clean them or return them. They're trash now.
When you come into some extra money for whatever reason, then are immediately hit out of nowhere with some bill you owe. Cool. It was fun having extra cash for .25 seconds.
ZUMBA. Don't get me started. Don't even get me started.
When you bite your tongue or inside of your cheek and see stars and really think this is it. Bye, world. It was good knowing you. We had a nice run.
When you fill up your brand new trash bag in one day. HOW. I LIVE ALONE. WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH TRASH. WHAT AM I EVEN DOING WITH MY LIFE. CAN SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE COME OVER AND TAKE IT OUT? I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS.
When your Uber driver doesn't believe in A/C. Feelin' like fuckin' Yoncé back here like, "Now my mascara running, red lipstick smudged."
When you run out of every last cold spot in the bed. I know I've written about this before, so it clearly plagues me. I may or may not have pre-mediated anxiety about it every night before bed. Like, how many will there be tonight? How can I best utilize them? What happens when they're gone? OH GOD.
When your dog randomly shits on the sidewalk in front of a Starbucks. No? Yours doesn't do that? Must be nice.
When you've gotten so pumped for a certain dish at a restaurant only to discover it's closed that day OR they aren't serving the dish for whatever reason.
When you realize that Beyoncé is probably not a super nice or approachable person IRL. Maybe, like, early 2000's Bey. Destiny's Child Bey. But now? Nah nah HELL nah.
When Netflix cannot stop buffering. Cool, just ruin my entire night. THIS IS ALL I HAVE. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME AND YES, I'M STILL WATCHING. YOU KNOW I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
What do YOU think is the WORST? I'd love to know.