There Are 40 Types Of People In The World
I've done a few of these posts before, and honestly, it's hard not to do them all the time. When I write them, I feel like I could go on forever. But I have shit to do and can't sit here writing about the two types of people in the world for hours on end. So, we'll just stick to one, controlled, thoughtful post at a time.
There are two types of people in the world...
Those who see someone approaching the elevator who are that awkward distance of so close yet so far and actually hold the door for them and people who aren't trying to play nice and have places to be. Bye.
Those who eat lunch at 11:45am or noon ON THE DOT and those who know the essential act of waiting even just 15-30 minutes past noon and the difference it makes in the speed of your afternoon.
Those who somehow own and upkeep a plethora of plants and flowers and those who can't keep a succulent alive even if their life depended on it (Hi).
Those who make conversation with every Uber or Lyft driver they've ever ridden with or those with whom this resonates deeply:
Those who "get" social media and those who just don't. They just don't and never will and you can't help them anymore.
Those who chirp back "Hi!" in the morning if someone says hello to them and those who will park in inconvenient spots and enter buildings in inopportune ways just to avoid eye contact or pleasantries with anyone before they've gotten to their desk.
Those magical, spell-binding human beings that still actually read full books in a reasonable amount of time and those, like myself, who finish one book every six months because I'm a shameful product of my generation and Netflix is a seductive bitch.
Those who rely solely on electronic calendars to remind them of any goings-on in their lives and those who still must write everything down in ink, on paper, in a notebook or agenda (even if it's already in their phone and computer).
Those who carefully navigate the same parking garage every single morning, driving at 15MPH and coming to almost complete stops to round corners and those who aren't some of the worst people in existence.
Those who FitBit and those who Apple watch.
Those who buy and enjoy Halo Top ice cream and fools who wouldn't know good flavor if it hit them right in the tit (Seriously. It's so damn good? And they're rolling out SEVEN NEW FLAVORS soon. Why can't you find ONE you like? What's wrong with you?).
Those who get, love, and are into the mule trend and one of my best friends who "doesn't like it" (you know who you are).
Those who watch baking videos on Facebook and are mesmerized and inspired and those who watch the same videos and break into a cold sweat, knowing they could never attempt anything close to what they're watching without royally screwing it up and just FUCK BAKING.
Those who still Snapchat and those of us who've moved on to Instagram stories now and forever.
Those who are truly effected by coffee's caffeine and those who could still sleep soundly after having a cup at 8pm. We just do it for the taste (this is me and it actually upsets me? I wish coffee woke me up. YOU HAVE ONE JOB, COFFEE).
Those who know how to send links via email, message, what have you and my mother who takes pictures of her computer screen to send me my horoscope:
Those who separate whites and darks and those who throw it all in, say a prayer, and hope for the best.
Those who crack their knuckles, neck, back, and toes and those who I guess are better people than myself because that shit feels GOOD.
Those who still write reminders on their hand and those who have learned to utilize the beauty of iPhone reminders.
Those who are sad summer is almost over and those who could cry tears of joy knowing that sweaters, booties, and pumpkin spice everything is right around the corner.
Happy hump day, y'all.