When You're Someone Who DGAF But Actually GATF
It's a weird thing being someone who DGAF (Don't/Doesn't Give A Fuck) but really GATF (Gives All The Fucks). If you identify with this personality description, you've spent the better part of your adult life honing your persona. You can't remember exactly when these contrasting character traits started duking it out, but it feels like it's been forever.
Now, I know to the general public, it may seem like I couldn't give less fucks. However, a conversation between myself and a friend over social media this weekend shook me to my core. If you'll remember, I posted to my Instagram story Saturday morning, asking for workout underwear suggestions. Since most responses screamed "COMMANDO. DUH!" at me, I had to respond to each of those messages and explain that the amount of sweat that happens in my nether region doesn't bode well for me + commando. And that's when I was reminded of my perceived IDGAF persona (also, sorry for littering this post with so much #crotchsweat talk):
That's when it hit me. Hard.
The thing about me is IDGAF but I also give ALL THE fucks.
The balance of doing you and not GAF but also doing you and wanting feedback, reactions, and general commentary to the doing of you that you're doing is tricky. And if you struggle with not caring at all while simultaneously caring way too much like I do, I think you'll relate to the following list of attributes that a person who DGAF but GATF exhibits.
1. Your standard procedure is to ask for everyone's opinion but do what you want anyway, all the while having extreme anxiety about your blatant disregard of the opinions you received for the thing you asked for opinions on.
2. Because you DGAF and your filter is barely existent, you pretty much say what you want when you want then sometimes lay awake at night in bed pondering the countless amount of people you've undoubtedly offended over the course of your lifetime.
3. Along the lines of saying whatever whenever, oversharing is one of your major "attributes." You'll tell whoever whatever because, like, who gives a fuck? We're all human! But then you're overcome with crippling anxiety as you wonder if being so blatant about your #crotchsweat issues is what keeps you in a perpetual state of singlehood.
4. Someone doesn't like you? Sucks for them! (But also, why not??? What did I ever do to you? What's SO terrible about me? I WANT TO KNOW (Not really, though. I couldn't handle it))
5. Confrontation, schmonfrontation! Personal, socially-driven crises don't scare you. In fact, you welcome them because you're all about being upfront about what's on your mind. Of course, that is until the second before the confronting begins and suddenly you're shaking uncontrollably and probably peed yourself a little.
6. You don't give a flying fork if your Instagram posts get 100 likes or 1 like but also just fucking kidding because if you only get 11 likes in an hour, you're cursing the day you were born, how stupid your post was, and wondering if you should just shut down all social media accounts and move to another country since you're clearly so hated here.
7. You post heinous pictures or embarrassing* videos of yourself because you DGAF and they're funny AF and you've got to be able to make fun of yourself, right? Plus, people know you're not that ugly or uncomfortably awkward all the time. Right? Wait. Do they? Omg.
8. You are the furthest thing from a people pleaser. I mean, you're not a sociopathic pot-stirrer by any means, but making sure everyone is always agreeable to a situation or line of conversation is the last thing on your priority list. You just DGAF, but also you really hate the thought of upsetting people or someone being uncomfortable due in part to your actions or attitude . But also ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ forever.
9. You believe love is love and when and if you ever do find The One, it doesn't matter if your friends and family like them or not. All that matters is how you feel. But in the event that even one of your trusted confidants isn't a fan, you'll give yourself daily heart palpitations and sudden diarrhea episodes fretting about it on the reg.
10. You talk a big game, always. You're also self-doubting, always.
11. Not getting a text back is no skin off your back. You D👏G👏A👏F👏. You're cool and independent and attractive and have so much going for you. On to the next one, as they say. But you'll also take your life over it for at least a few days, cry to your friends, throw a bleak pity party, probably drink a few too many glasses of wine, lose sleep, but ultimately reemerge as a beautiful butterfly once more.
12. You constantly wrestle with whether or not you should give more fucks or care less, filter your thoughts before you speak or maybe cuss even more, or be more self-aware rather than doing what you want how you want. Some days you feel bad about not GAF and other days you give way too many. But you know deep down nothing's gonna change. This is who you are and most likely who you'll always be. So here's to doing you always while also questioning how you're doing you. I'm one of you and I'm here for it.