There Are 36 Types Of People In The World

This is a series I started years ago. Just a long ass list of all the instances in which you could say “there are two types of people in the world…” Sure, these are mass generalizations, but there’s truth behind each and every one of them. You know it. I know it. Vegetable lasagna knows it and if you know what I’m referencing there, leave a comment with your address and I’ll send you something nice.

Those who watch GOT and fucking fools.

Those who will settle for a catered Jason Deli’s lunch and try to make the best of it and those who are proud and honorable.

Those who take their pants off the second they hit the door and those who go for the bra.

Those who post on Instagram daily or every other day and those with 8 months to a year between posts.

Those who leave their dry laundry in the drier for days on end and liars.

Those who crack their knuckles and those who are truly missing out on one of life’s simplest pleasures.

Those who have listened to me and invested in both a facial hair remover and a powerful bikini trimmer and those who probably have no idea how bad their upper lip hair looks in the right light.

Those who bought into the e-readers a long time ago and those who refuse to ever read a book on yet another fucking computer screen and will forever purchase real, paper books to read.

Those who brush their teeth before going to the gym in the morning and those who know they aren’t talking to anyone so fuck it.

Those who want Rob Stark and those who want Daario. You can’t have both, sorry.


Those who can wear workout pants in all different colors and those whose crotch and crack sweat keep them in all black only (with the exception of something like a dark, almost grey black and this shade of green from Outdoor Voices because I own these shorts and so far, my sweat has not shown. Also, size down!).

Those who can, for whatever reason, actually handle an open desk concept and those that think it’s the absolute worst idea anyone’s ever had and just want a couple cubicle walls. Short ones. Please. Fuck, I’ll even take cardboard.

Those that floss and disgusting folk who have no idea just how obvious it is via your breath and the appearance of your gums that you don’t floss.

Those that go to the doctor at the first sign of anything being off and those that wait until they’re moments from death to ask for some antibiotics.

Those that think is the funniest, smartest video ever and idiots.

Those who are signed up for my newsletter and bought into this water bottle that literally has me drinking the correct amount of water every day for the first time ever and those who need to sign up and check out this water bottle.

Those who cannot sit through a movie without popcorn and something to drink and those who are bigger men than we.

Those who will heed my advice and mix the Jazzy Dinner Spotify playlist with the soothing rain sounds of and those who clearly aren’t interested in perfect workspace audio.