Stop Wasting Time
I saw this the other week on Instagram and it lit me the fuck up.
Something that seems so obvious only just recently became so clear to me that I can’t believe I haven’t been living my life like this all along. I would say it started becoming clearer during my late 20s into my 30s, but has really hit hard in 2019. And that something is this
Time is our most precious commodity.
I know. You’re probably like “No shit, Sherlock,” but you can go through life saying these cliché things to yourself or to others without really subscribing to the message behind them or truly living what you’re saying. People do it all the time; that is, talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. No surprise here, but this whole notion of not wasting time and treating it like the precious commodity it is has faltered the most for me in terms of my dating life. More times than I can count, I’ve seen the writing on the wall a few months in, but out of desperation/ignorance/hope/whatever you wanna call it, I’ve continued onward. And I’m not gonna sit here and call all of those instances a waste of time because that’s not fair; I’m aware that time spent on romantic endeavors almost always teaches you something invaluable, no matter how small (ex: I learned how to tie my shoelaces the correct way so they don’t untie from one dude who ended up legit ghosting* me, resulting in me self-medicating with Ativan and wine).
But time being our most precious commodity is also why it’s hard for me to make plans with an acquaintance rather than a good friend. It’s why I get so up in arms if you’re late. It’s why I get up early on weekends. It’s why if we hit it off pretty immediately, I don’t want our second, third, fourth dates to be spread out longer than 3 weeks. It’s why if we don’t hit it off, you won’t be hearing from me. It’s why if you don’t bother to ask me out until day-of, a hot rage pulsates through my body. Oh. Did you assume I’d be available and not have anything going on?! (I probably don’t, BUT IT’S THE PRINCIPLE).
It’s why Sunday Fundays were long ago replaced with time spent at my parents’.
It’s why, as hard as I try to be “chill” and “spontaneous,” I have this intense anxiety about plans and routine because, baby, I ain’t got time to waste. None of us do.
It’s why I so adamantly believe in the power of saying “No.”
It’s why I never have and will continue not to ever identify as a people pleaser.
It’s why if a plan, person, or idea doesn’t ignite a small fire of excitement in me, I’m not wasting my time.
And neither should you. On any of it. Do what you want with who you want when you want, and don’t give up the most precious commodity you have to anyone or anything that doesn’t spark something within you. I don’t care if he was a perfectly nice dude — you don’t “owe” him a second date if you weren’t feeling the first. I don’t care if you’ve been planning this happy hour for weeks and you really should go — if the thought of spending time with someone with whom you don’t have a solid foundation and understanding is exhausting that day, cancel. I don’t care if it would look better if you went to that event — in a year from now, will it matter that you showed up? I don’t care if he has money and looks good on paper — if you know it’s not what you want, don’t waste anymore time.
Because it’s running out.
*He ended up insisting on meeting at a park a week later to explain himself.