I Can't, Vol. 32

Guys. It has been waaaaaaay too long, and I apologize for that. However, I started my (5th) new job journey about a month ago and things have been way too all-encompassing since. But, honestly, I'd always rather be thrown head first into a new job and given lots of work to do than sit at my desk, twiddling my curls and thumbs, blatantly looking like the new girl with nothing to do. That's just the most awkward thing, and you want to shout "I swear I'm proactive and a go-getter! I just have literally nothing to go get right now!" Anyhoo, things have been busy. I wake up (most days), I work out (most days), I work (all the days), I have dinner (literally couldn't not), and I go to bed around 10 because I'm an old fuck with just enough energy to expend up until bedtime. By the time my (most likely a few days dirty) hair hits the pillow, my creative juices have dried up, leaving my blog in the dark. But today, I've decided to re-shine the light on it and give you guys some things to either "can" or "can't" with me.

I can't...

with the taste in my mouth after having breakfast and coffee, and sipping on water until lunch. But like, sometimes it's hard to remember to grab a piece of gum when you're bouncing from meeting to meeting, ya know? So there I sit, with the most horrifically stale taste dancing around my mouth until my next meal. I wonder if anyone's ever noticed how far out of my way I go to not speak directly at their face during these stale periods?

I can't...

with cottage cheese. Guys. No. I had never ever eaten it, not even attempted to, not once. But, in light of my "healthy as I possibly can be until the weekends when all hell breaks loose and I start over every Monday" lifestyle, I decided to give it a go because, hey — don't knock it 'til you try it, right? I had a few people tell me to eat it with fruit. I had others tell me to eat it with pepper, treating it as a savory dish (because, quite honestly, I have no fucking idea what it even is. Like how do you classify edible yeast infection?). So, yesterday morning, excitedly/begrudgingly made myself a bowl of cottage cheese for breakfast, topped with honey and granola. Here are my real-time action shots of the experience:

IMG_4966

As you can see, I FUCKING CAN'T. It was so horrid, so disgusting, that I took two bites and spit the third one back into the bowl before giving up. Yes, I now realize that my chosen combination was probably the completely wrong way to go, but I am so scarred from this experience that I'm not sure I can ever try it the right way again. If I do, it'll be months.

I can't...

stress how incredibly delicious this salmon recipe is. Seriously. Guys. Try it. Like, tonight. It's so simple, yet the flavors create the most deliciously complex dance party in your mouth. Soy sauce, lemon juice, pepper, ginger, and cinnamon. I mean, WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY NEED? Make it this week or we're not friends.

I CAN'T...

get over PB2. Have you HEARD of this shit? Have you BOUGHT it? Have you TRIED it? Have you LOVED it? I mean, WTF. Who would've thought that POWDERED peanut butter could be so incredibly perfect? Does this make me sound all annoying and health-conscious and weird? If so, too damn bad because I'm against everything powderedy and supplementy and whey proteiney weirdness, but this stuff. This stuff. Just try it. I dare you. It also has a peanut butter/chocolate flavor, so.

I CAN'T...

shop at GAP anymore I guess. I mean, it sucks, guys. And this is coming from someone who treated her parent-distributed silver GAP card like a black AMEX for years. I used to buy almost everything from there (until my parents finally caught on that I would not, in fact, pay them back in a timely manner and told me to get my own card). But now? There's nothing. Nada. Zip. And if there is shit, it doesn't fit well. All GAP is good for anymore is workout gear. It's affordable and decent-looking and typically you can catch it on a 40% off day. Other than that though... :-/

gap

I CAN'T...

watch one more episode of this season's "True Detective" and I won't. Holy god, it's so bad. I thought it was just me. I really did. But, last Sunday, as my boyfriend and I laid in full spooning position on the couch he says I really need to replace because I've had it for about five years now and it's way  too low to the ground and has pretty much zero support of any kind and he doesn't like laying on it. Wait. What was I saying? I just got so lost in that tangent, for real. Oh, so last Sunday. We're watching TD (he insisted even though my inkling for its terribleness had set in a few episodes ago), and I'm trying to be into it and pay attention until I hear a singular snore escape for my boyfriend's mouth. "That's it!" I yelled, waking him up. "Mike, you're sleeping. You've passed out during True Detective the last three times we've sat down to watch it. This show fucking sucks." "You're right," he agreed while laughing. "It's so bad." So we sat there and laughed, both made Facebook statuses about its level of suck, and I'm done. Horrible plots. Terrible acting. Total miscasting. Completely unnatural scripted conversations. Just... NO. Nic Pizzolatto can go pizz on himself and his scripts. Oh wait  — he pretty much already did.

td

I CAN'T...

act surprised that Miley is now a lesbian. Like, WHOAAAAA HUGE SURPRISE! I'm s0o0o0o0o0o shocked! I did NOT see that coming what with the complete identity change, rampant nudity, and lifestyle overhaul! Not to mention the shift-in-your-seat-uncomfortable concert antics. I am BLOWN away. Totally taken aback. I would've been more shocked if she had snapped out of it and gone back to "normal," though.

I CAN'T...

and won't with "I Am Cait." I already knew I couldn't, but still had my mom humor me by relaying the first episode to me via text and that was enough for me. Don't get me wrong — I'm happy for Cait. Glad she came out as who she has felt she really is for over 60 years now. Kudos. Really. But the mere fact that she wasted zero time signing a TV deal on it all... just doesn't feel right, guys. It's very, um, KARDASHIAN. Just makes me narrow my eyes a bit, you know? Nihilo sanctum estne? (<-- if you know what movie I'm referring to there, let's get married).

I CAN'T...

believe how much I loved "Trainwreck." Like, don't me wrong — I knew I'd like it. But I didn't expect to walk away on obsessive level, and I did. I mean, what. How. She is a genius. She's smart. She's dry. And she's actually an impressively good serious actress??? I loved it so hard, I almost thought I'd have to call a doctor to discuss my prolonged boner. She's it for me. She's real as hell, an amazing writer, and has no problem knowing her legs are her best asset and showing them off with long shirts posed as dresses. I hate to say it, but she makes Amy and Tina look... old. And not as relevant. And a little too slap-sticky. Sorry, guys. But there's a new HBIC of comedy and, therefore, there's a new BFF in my life. Also, Bill Hader looks like a great kisser? 

That's all for now, guys. Hopefully this post made up for my lack thereof. Emma's got her groove back.

xox,

Signature_Small

emmaComment