I Can, Vol. 1

I was recently challenged to write a list of things I can. I combatted this by saying, "Well half the stuff I say 'I can't,' I'm saying in a positive way. Like 'I can't handle how great this or that is...' But fine. I'll do it." So mark today down in your calendars as something monumental because I'm about to spin the shit out of this request.

I can...

with NextGen or powder nails. Typically, I can't with any type of manicure because I believe it's a waste of time and money. Regular manicures last no longer than the ones I perform on myself at home, and gel manicures fuck your nails up royally and grow way too fast, making you look like you're going for some sort of Guinness record with your nasty ass, exposed nail beds. But powder nails ARE EVERYTHING. I've always kept my nails incredibly short — I just don't want to deal. But my best friend grew hers out and got them filed into an almond shape, and the look of them was so beautiful, I had to try for myself. Powder is the only kind of treatment that really allows them to grow with minimal breakage, and I love it very much. The way my long power nails click and clack on the keyboard make me feel important and sassy as hell. Powder isn't as popular as gel, so you'll have to do some googling to figure out what nail salons do it near you. But LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIES. THOSE ARE ALL ME, BABY:


I can...

NOT tell you how much more of a whole girl I feel like now that I've found my perfect foundation. For many years, I was wearing Laura Mercier's tinted moisturizer. I felt it provided enough coverage without being cakey, old lady makeup. But this year, something changed. Not only was I noticing more frequent (albeit minimal) breakouts, but my face just wasn't doing it for me anymore. I would get ready, performing my typical makeup routine and think "Meh." I decided to research a bit, then visit Nordstrom to see what the makeup ladies could do with me. The prettiest black woman I've ever seen in my entire life introduced me to the most important four words: Charlotte Tilbury Magic Foundation. Y'all. Y'ALL. Life. Changing. Shit. I have dry, sensitive skin and so far, this stuff does not break me out or dry me out. It just makes me feel really pretty. It's the perfect amount of coverage when tinted moisturizer isn't enough but legitimate foundation is too much. I even apply it with a FOUNDATION BRUSH, GUYS. I'm a real woman now. Or getting there anyway. Check it out if you're looking for a change.


I can...

recommend this book to you, so I will. It's called The Nest, and if you like dysfunctional family dramas, then this is the book for you. I love it and so did Amy Poehler, according to the cover.


I can...

proudly admit I used Amazon Now for the first time last week and it was a delight. The story goes: I was supposed to have gum recession surgery on Thursday. I go in, get my blood drawn, tear up at least twice, get my first novocaine shot and check my Fitbit to see that my heart rate has sky rocketed to 112 and finally, when I'm settled down and completely numb all up in my mouth, the doctor tells me he sees some things he wants to get cleared up before he can perform the procedure. Yes, AFTER HE NUMBED ME. Needless to say, I was pretty frustrated and because I'm an emotionally sound 29-year-old, proceeded to SUPER ugly novocaine-cry in the chair. When I got home and realized the batteries in my thermostat had died and it was 90º outside, I felt even more defeated and decided my first-ever Amazon Now order was warranted. So I ordered batteries and Clorox toilet wand refills because the order had to be at least $15, and it arrived at my door in two hours. And I don't regret it at all.

I can...

flaunt my results from BBG on here, so I will. Because, y'all, I'M PROUD. I've been doing this shit for almost AN ENTIRE YEAR. WHAT. I've never stuck with something for more than a year (that's not true, but it seemed fitting to write). It's still hard, it still can be a pain in the ass, I still miss workouts and have to make up for them or just start an entire week mid-week, but what matters is, I still do it. AM still doing it. Because I've never had results like this, I love the circuits, I love the structure, I love not having to think about what I'm going to do at the gym that day. It's all in Kayla's app, and it's perfect. I still get down on myself, of course. I'm a female with a vagina. But when I look at progress pictures, I'm abruptly reminded of how fucking far I've come and how baller it is. 


I can...

paint with all the colors of the wind. Bet you didn't know that about me. It's not something I advertise.

I can...

finally state my stance on the whole "how bad is shampoo for your hair" debate. I've struggled with this for a long time. As a girl with curly hair, I've always been told that shampoo is the enemy because of its drying effect. That, if I'm going to do it, do it maybe once a week and condition the rest of the time. Well I've tried that, and it not only leaves my hair feeling greasy and grimy, but also ugly. So I gave up on the whole thing and decided to not revisit it again. That is until I stumbled upon this:


Unwash. Guys, I don't know, but it works. It is meant to replace your shampoo, but not act like a cheap all-in-one shampoo/conditioner combo. It's a shampooconditioner. A condoo. A shamditioner. And it's "bio-cleansing" meaning it doesn't have the detergent agents in it that are the main culprit of drying your shit out. I've been using it for almost three weeks now, and it's legitimiately all I need in the shower. I haven't let regular shampoo touch my hair once, and I am liking what I'm seeing. It's pricey, but most good things are. Like powder nails or premiere prostitutes.

Okay, that's it. That's all I can, and I barely could.



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