Sorry I'm On Instagram But Didn't Text You Back

We've all done it. We're all going to continue to do it. We've all been the victim of someone else doing it: Not responding to someone via text or call, but being active on social media is an epidemic that is very much alive and well. So, today, I want to discuss it. Not defend it. Not champion it. Merely discuss it with whoever's here for it.


The good news is, I would venture to say 85-90% of the time it's completely innocent. Unless you're actively arguing with a friend/SO/family member/coworker, their ignorance toward your text but blatant enthusiasm toward their social media feeds is not malicious. Annoying? Absolutely. Confusing? Sometimes. Down right maddening? 100%. But hardly ever malicious (again, unless you're in an active or passive aggressive "thing" with them. Then all bets are off and they're probably FOR SURE ignoring you on purp). 

Several causes exist for this irritating, almost daily dilemma, and I'd like you to consider each of them.

cause 1

The two of you weren't sharing a particularly thoughtful or involved conversation in the first place. That is, your texts were easily forgettable, hence they were forgotten. Sure, you might've appreciated some sort of reaction to the last thing you said, but your friend got distracted and also is maybe a little bit of an asshole. And sure, you might've asked your friend a question that they didn't answer. But was your question dire? Is it an emergency? Does an entire day or night or week hinge on their answer? If not and they haven't answered you but are posting to their story willy-nilly, just give them the old "HEY. ANSWER ME." It works every time. Need proof? See the below Google chat exchange between me and Whitney:

Screen Shot 2017-10-10 at 1.44.24 PM.png

Cause 2

You/he/she are/is a fuckboy/girl. Meaning, not texting back but liking Instagram posts is your/their M.O. What did you expect? This is who you/they are. You/they are incapable of remaining engaged in text banter for longer than a few minutes, but are like a moth to a flame whenever that feed gets LIT with new pics or stories. Don't act surprised. Just roll your eyes as hard as you can and secretly bask in the "like" or "view" because that's clearly all you're getting for now.

cause 3

Whoever sent the last text sent it late at night, resulting in a completely innocent yet seemingly blatant disregard of whatever you wrote. Several hours (ideally 7-8) have passed since last you spoke, and unless you and your friend are romantically involved or just that attune to each other, they most likely didn't wake up thinking about you and the last text you sent them. Thusly why they're active on the group chat and sending you memes at 730am, but have yet to pick up where y'all left off via iMessage. Again, in this particular scenario, a quick "HEY. OVER HERE" or a more aggressive "????" should resolve the misunderstanding quickly.

Cause 4

You or the culprit is that person who is still trying to get away with the "I'm just really bad at my phone" line, which honestly? In 2017? Is not an excuse. Sorry to break it to ya, but no one is "bad at texting" anymore. That's some 2009 shit that I won't hear another word of. Everyone sees they have a text and everyone reads that text. Now, whether or not they answer you right away or at all is one thing. But to explain away your non-answer with "Sorry. I'm just so bad at my phone" is a steaming pile of garbage words. Are you? Are you "bad" at your phone? You don't seem to be bad enough at it to post on Facebook or like things on Instagram or watch my Snapchat story. Texting is just as good as social media. Texting is just as cute as social media. People totally like texting just as much as they like social media. WE SHOULD TOTALLY JUST STAB SOCIAL MEDIA! (JK. Sosh meed is bae).

Cause 5

(This one is 100% yah girl right here) Social media is, in their mind's eye, less demanding than whatever it is you're trying to engage with them about right now. The best example I have of this is my own (of course). For a while there, my best friends would blow me up first thing in the morning and get perturbed at my silence while they saw me continuously posting to my story or sharing my #OOTD all before 9am. It was particularly bad if it was the morning after a date, and they were jonesing for juicy details. "So??? How was it???" I finally had to explain to them that the energy it takes to answer them how I want with full, unnecessary details is much greater than the energy it takes to post a boomerang of me making coffee or a :15 car-video on my way to work about something I heard on the radio seconds earlier or even snap 20-30 OOTD hopefuls on my porch before heading to my car. Because, you see, social media is all about setting and forgetting. I post something then set my phone down and walk away. However, with texting and talking, I want to give my full fucking attention. I want to get to work, sit down, pour my coffee, crack my knuckles, and THEN engage. If I write you back right now, there will be a good half-hour lapse before I get to work and continue our conversation, so I'd rather wait. Social media is easy for me to engage with because no one's talking back to me or pushing the engagement forward. But with you, there's back and forth. And I want to be sure I am all HERE 👏 FOR 👏 IT 👏 

Cause 6

You or whoever isn't texting you back but lighting up social media feeds sucks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So next time this is happening to you or you're doing it to someone, refer back to this and ask yourself: Do I have a valid reason or am I just being a little bit of a sucky asshole? 

Be the change you wish to see, guys. Be the change.




Emma Golden6 Comments